Enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship stages

enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship stages

Type compatibility is more about similar levels self awareness than it is about Woman is Type 7 (Enthusiast), Man is Type 5 (Thinker) or Type 1 (Perfectionist) “As an Enneagram Helper (2) married to a Leader (8), I found this book to Lose Weight in Four Steps · Last Week I Went for a Walk in Spain. Career Talents, Values & Interests for Enneagram Type Fives .. My mission is to conduct research into the phases of physical phenomena and develop 8. My mission is to investigate the relationship between organisms and disease and. Enneagram Type Five (the Investigator) with. Enneagram Type Eight (the Challenger). What Each Type Brings to the Relationship. These two types bring to each.

Practice moderating impulsivity and impact. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Mediators often join together in attending to detail and leading an orderly, steady life.

Mediators, however, can feel criticized and prodded instead of encouraged by Perfectionists. As a result, Mediators may end up feeling inferior. In attempting to please, they over-accommodate and build up stubborn resistance that annoys and frustrates Perfectionists. A cycle of escalating conflict can follow, leading to further prodding of the Mediator, which creates a power struggle: This pattern is compounded since both types have difficulty knowing their real needs and desires.

Over time the relationship can deteriorate to extinction. What to Appreciate in Mediators. Flexibility, patience, acceptance, adaptability, steadiness, genuine care, empathy.

To build acceptance and appreciation of your differences. Develop flexibility and patience. Supportive structure, clarity, industry and effort, conscientiousness, improvement and fairness in orientation. Pick up your own pace. Take positions and make initiatives. Face anger and conflict. Type 2, the Giver, with Another Type 2 Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers join together in valuing a focus on relationships and in appreciating the nurturing quality and sensitivity to feelings in each other.

Type Five — The Enneagram Institute

Having little awareness of their own needs, however, they may become overly solicitous with each other, compete for approval, and feel unappreciated, unfulfilled, and ironically unconnected. Failure to get into the natural flow of giving and receiving, can lead to emotional upset and to who is dependent on whom.

Ultimately hurt feelings may then ensue leading to angry, emotional outbursts and ultimately to withdrawal or rejection. There just may not be enough flow of giving and receiving to sustain the relationship. Relationship Development for Givers with Givers: Pride connected to giving leading to tendency to be overly helpfuldifficulty receiving, inattention to own needs, anger when needs go unmet or when feeling unappreciated, over-connection in relationships, and unhealthy focus on gaining approval.

What to Appreciate in Other Givers.

# The Enneagram in Relationship: Type 5, The Observer - LimitlessLaowaiLimitlessLaowai

Helpfulness, relationship orientation, genuine care and support, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to feelings. Express own needs and desires directly and encourage other Giver to do the same. Practice getting into the natural flow of giving and receiving. Conflict occurs when Givers experience Performers as discounting feelings and relationship issues, while Performers experience Givers as getting off task and wanting too much time and attention.

A cycle of increasing conflict can result with the two types polarizing — the Giver feeling rejected, getting emotional, and emoting anger and with the Performer feeling unrecognized and impatient and then disappearing into work. This pattern can result in withdrawal and eventually in alienation end to the relationship. Positive accomplishment orientation, enthusiasm, hopefulness, efficiency, and material support. Balance relationship and goal orientations. Moderate shared characteristics of intensity, positivity, fast pace, and active force.

Directly express own needs and desires. Work on developing receptive force of simply being present in the moment. Inattention to feelings, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for recognition, and shared focus of wanting approval and constructing a good image.

Support and care, relationship orientation, generosity, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others. Balance goal and relationship orientations. Pay attention to own deeper needs and desires.

Type 2, the Giver, and Type 4, the Romantic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers try to satisfy the apparently needy Romantics, attempting to fulfill their needs. They can get caught up in the emotions and intensity of Romantics and lose their own sense of separateness. This cycle could lead to an unraveling of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, desire to keep life up, difficulty with deep and darker feelings, and need for appreciation, approval, and attention.

Intensity, relationship orientation, idealization of what could be, depth of feelings, empathy, and authenticity. Practice steadiness since both types fluctuate emotionally. Work on becoming more self-directed and holding ground, especially in the presence of strong emotions and dissatisfaction. Express own desires and needs. Remind the Romantic of what is positive and present. Need to feel special, not feeling satisfied or complete resulting in fluctuating emotions, tendency toward self-absorption and amplification of feelings, and difficulty appreciating what is present and positive.

Giving and caring quality, positive image, enthusiasm, desire to bring happiness, active forward moving energy, and flexibility.

Enneagram Type 8 & Relationships ~ Enneagram Consultant.

Work on assisting Givers in referencing to their own needs. Show appreciation and gratitude for the positives in life and for what Givers provide. This relationship is truly an attraction of opposites. However, in wanting more connection and acknowledgement, Givers try to bring Observers forward into feelings and more sustained contact. Then Givers active energy can feel intrusive, overly emotional, and demanding to Observers, who then contracts and disengages.

Angry outbursts, alienation, and even disruption of the relationship can ensue. Tendency to overdo helpfulness and become intrusive and over emotional, need for appreciation, approval and attention, and difficulty sustaining a separate or independent self.

Develop own autonomy or independence and inner life. Work on moderating claims for time, energy, and connection. Encourage the Observer to move forward into life and feelings. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, engagement in life, social skills, generosity, and relationship focus. Move into feelings and stay engaged in life. Allow for dependency and nurturance.

enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship stages

Thus, while appreciating Givers support and care, Loyal Skeptics may back off from or confront what they experience as too much attention. A cycle of escalating conflict can result polarizing the situation with the Loyal Skeptic getting accusatory and the Giver getting emotional.

Withdrawal can ensue as one or the other or both types attempt to reduce distress. Eventually, this pattern can cause a lasting disruption of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, intrusive behavior, need for approval and attention, hidden dependence, and tendency to over influence with emotions. Questioning mind, healthy skepticism, loyalty, concern for underdogs, analytic skills, warmth, and endurance.

Notice and moderate intrusiveness the big forward-moving energyemotional claims, and helpfulness. Practice directness in expressing own needs and desires. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, responsiveness, genuine caring, generosity, and sensitivity to others.

Claim own authority and boundaries. State what actually is needed and desired. Encourage Giver to express own autonomy, needs, and desires. Reduce the tendency to magnify what can go wrong.

Type 2, the Giver, and Type 7, the Epicure Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Both types enjoy the strengths they share in common — especially flexibility, friendliness and the love of freedom and the good life. However, Givers can find Epicures overly self-referencing and self-serving, hence not paying enough attention to the relationship or sufficiently reciprocating in give and take.

Givers can then feel neglected and unappreciated and become emotional, demanding, and guilt provoking. Epicures, on the other hand, can find Givers overly focused on others, intrusive, and too needy of attention. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can occur as the Epicure, feeling smothered and limited, can respond with escapism and rationalization and the Giver with angry outbursts and emotionality, possibly resulting in alienation and deterioration and even destruction of the relationship.

Disowned needs and desires, preoccupation with relationship and connection, and tendency to become inadvertently emotionally controlling. The many interests and ideas, healthy self-interest, idealism, flexibility, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship.

Develop autonomy the separate or independent self. Work on providing the Epicure with space while maintaining connection. Express own deeper feelings, needs, and desires. Allow for slowing pace and increasing receptive force. Avoidance of painful feelings, difficulty accepting naturally occurring limits, tendency to avoid emotional commitment, and self-referencing to own interests and ideas.

Giving and caring nature, strong relationship focus, generosity, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Commit to the relationship while asserting boundaries.

enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship stages

Allow in feelings and concerns. In turn, the Protector often resists the influence and may react to feeling contained or manipulated with more confrontation and anger. Feeling rejected and devalued, the Giver may withdraw or burst out in anger and emotion. This all can result in a deep rift in the relationship and repeated cycles of uncontained reactivity leading to destruction of the relationship. Failure to focus on and express own needs, habit of altering to please, desire for attention and approval, intrusiveness, and potentially inadvertent emotionally manipulative behavior designed to soften and modify Protectors.

What to Appreciate in Protectors. Power and strength, assertiveness, encouragement and support of desires, zest for life, directness, and protectiveness.

enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship stages

Practice holding ground, expressing self directly, and claiming own needs. Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Develop the separate or independent self. Become aware of and moderate intrusiveness and emotionality that the Protector experiences as controlling. Genuine care, helpfulness and willingness to give, sensitivity regarding feelings and relationships, and positive active energy. Develop sensitivity to feelings and allow in own vulnerabilities. Manage energy expression and boundaries.

#380 The Enneagram in Relationship: Type 5, The Observer

Type 2, the Giver, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers and Mediators get along well together because they both are sensitive, pleasing, helpful, and accommodating. But conflict arises when Givers become overly helpful and intrusive in an effort to get Mediators to set priorities, take initiatives, and say what they need even though Givers have great difficulty themselves with experiencing what they need.

When this pattern persists, the relationship can deteriorate and even dissolve. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude. Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice. Develop and express own separate and independent self. Work at personal priorities and needs and encourage the Mediator to do likewise.

Genuine care, helpfulness, empathy, sensitivity regarding feelings, liveliness, and positive active energy.

Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise. Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving. They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals. They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized.

A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs. Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship.

Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace. What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force. Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship. Both types feel like misfits and so they understand each other's emotional core, often in an unspoken way.

Both types need personal space, but when they find each other, they can both show a surprising degree of need and vulnerability. They see the other person behind the defense, relating to each others' sense of dignity and hidden vulnerabilities. Both can be stoical toward their own suffering and unhappiness, with little or no self-pity. As a couple, they can bring power and depth, action and thoughtfulness, brilliance and brashness to their world. They are also the natural protectors and advisors of each other: Eights love to protect less tough Fives, and Fives help Eights recognize the subtleties for their plans and actions.

These two types can therefore band together as a coalition of power and brains, a formidable combination. Potential Trouble Spots or Issues Fives are not much in touch with their physical bodies—they identify with their minds and are indifferent to virtually all of the physical and practical goals that more earthy Eights have.

Not wanting a house, a company, or a spouse are all sources of pride to average Fives who feel good about themselves when they can cut off from their needs and learn to do without. Fives feel that they do not have an ability to do things as well as others. Their belief is that from the safety of their minds they will eventually figure out how to do things—and one day rejoin the world. Fives spend a lot of time observing and contemplating—listening to the sounds of wind or of a synthesizer, or taking notes on the activities in an anthill in their back yard.

As they immerse themselves in their observations, they begin to internalize their knowledge and gain a feeling of self-confidence. They can then go out and play a piece on the synthesizer or tell people what they know about ants. They may also stumble across exciting new information or make new creative combinations playing a piece of music based on recordings of wind and water.

When they get verification of their observations and hypotheses, or see that others understand their work, it is a confirmation of their competency, and this fulfills their Basic Desire. They believe that developing this niche is the best way that they can attain independence and confidence.

Thus, for their own security and self-esteem, Fives need to have at least one area in which they have a degree of expertise that will allow them to feel capable and connected with the world.

It may be the world of mathematics, or the world of rock and roll, or classical music, or car mechanics, or horror and science fiction, or a world entirely created in their imagination. Not all Fives are scholars or Ph. But, depending on their intelligence and the resources available to them, they focus intensely on mastering something that has captured their interest. For better or worse, the areas that Fives explore do not depend on social validation; indeed, if others agree with their ideas too readily, Fives tend to fear that their ideas might be too conventional.

History is full of famous Fives who overturned accepted ways of understanding or doing things Darwin, Einstein, Nietzsche.

enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship stages

Many more Fives, however, have become lost in the byzantine complexities of their own thought processes, becoming merely eccentric and socially isolated. The intense focus of Fives can thus lead to remarkable discoveries and innovations, but when the personality is more fixated, it can also create self-defeating problems.

This is because their focus of attention unwittingly serves to distract them from their most pressing practical problems. Whatever the sources of their anxieties may be—relationships, lack of physical strength, inability to gain employment, and so forth—average Fives tend not to deal with these issues.

Rather, they find something else to do that will make them feel more competent. The irony is that no matter what degree of mastery they develop in their area of expertise, this cannot solve their more basic insecurities about functioning in the world. For example, as a marine biologist, a Five could learn everything there is to know about a type of shellfish, but if her fear is that she is never going to be able to run her own household adequately, she will not have solved her underlying anxiety.

Dealing directly with physical matters can feel extremely daunting for Fives. Henry is a life scientist working in a major medical research lab: