How did your abortion affect your relationship? - relationships | Ask MetaFilter
This deprives the relationship of the opportunity to reach its full potential. After the abortion I felt like he changed and I changed to I felt now. stories. Content has been submitted by users and does not necessarily reflect the views of Abortion Changes You. clear search. One brave woman shares how her abortion catalyzed her journey to well-being. Weight Loss Coach Naomi Teeter helps you heal your relationship with food.
I'd keep that in mind. They reached the decision carefully, and relied upon their various support networks for some time afterwards. It's just anecdotal information, but it might help you believe you can get through this together: They seem to have as good a relationship as anyone has. Like most of the people who've already answered, I think the key is being thoughtful in your decision which it seems you have been and being careful and cognizant of how you and your partner feel about the termination, before and after.
In a way, it's like any other crisis you will go through together; if you have a strong relationship, there's no particular reason you won't be able to weather it, but it's not necessarily going to be easy. Like Ironmouth says, you are a pair of human beings with the capacity to recover from nearly everything; I would add, you have the capacity to make the right decision for yourselves, and it seems you have.
Good luck and take care of each other. Not one of them felt any regret whatsoever, beyond generally wishing that they had been more careful to begin with so that it wasn't necessary.
That's how I feel about my abortion, as well. My friend was involved in an open adoption about ten years ago, and my aunt was involved in an old-fashioned closed adoption in the 's. They both regret it every day. I would go so far to say that it has destroyed my aunt's life. The children of these women simply don't have the same chances as the children of women who were ready to be mothers.I Had An Abortion What Should I Do?
It's not socially acceptable for parents to admit that they regret having children, but I know that many of them do regret it, bitterly. I have said all this just because I think you need to know that your decision is not selfish. Do not, under any circumstances, let anyone convince you otherwise. You are doing what you feel is right for yourself, your partner, and for any possible future children you might have.
You should feel proud of yourself.
Men reveal how abortion affected their lives, relationships and ideas about fatherhood
Truth be told, I think it is a wonderful thing for you both to have thoroughly thought this decision through, and to have prepared for the stress and heartbreak it may put on you both. It seems to be a common misconception that women who choose to have abortions are or should be nonchalant about it and treat the procedure like getting a tooth pulled, or that having second thoughts or regrets about terminating a pregnancy makes you a bad pro-choicer.
Neither of these are true. And the stress is often compounded by abortion being such a taboo subject to talk about on anything beyond a political or theoretical level. At the very least, they'll be able to guide you through the grief process without making you feel like you've made a mistake. And if you encounter people, "professional" or otherwise, who do make you feel bad for your decision, do not listen or talk to them - they will only make it worse.
Please ask and use whatever resources you feel comfortable with. Do not listen for a nanosecond about the stories you may hear, here and elsewhere, about all the relationships that failed because of an abortion. You don't know these people, and you don't know exactly why these relationships failed. You do, however, know yourself and your partner, and to an extent though perhaps not fully, yet you know your own strength.
Your commitment and compassion for each other is an enormously good thing, and with that I think you already have the wherewithal to endure this. Why is this a recipe for disaster exactly?
If your relationship is going to crumble from a decision that you both decided was the best course of action, then best to just give up now. Life's going to throw much tougher shit at you than this my friends! I think women take this harder because of all the hormones and instincts that kick in. To be honest I think that was the only reason I had any hesitation went faced with this myself.
Although it was a 'mutual' decision I may have actually been acutely aware of what an asshole he was, I don't know? Whatever the reason it was definitely something I weighed up all on my own.
The now undeniable fact that he is an asshole has no bearing on my decision. Hindsight changes absolutely nothing. Although if anything, it does confirm I did the right thing. You could torment yourself over this, but just know that doing so is also your choice to make. Do you feel there needs to be some suffering as a result of this decision? Or are you trying to talk yourself out of this and stall for time because you're still not sure? I can't really tell, but I'm sure you know the answer to that.
Take it easy guys. Listen to Metroid Baby here. An abortion is not a terrible strain on a healthy relationship between two people who know they aren't ready for a kid and who don't have moral compunctions about abortion.
You can't know how you feel if you're worried that everyone else could be right about how you Secretly Feel Inside. In this situation, there are always people around ready to try to insinuate guilt into your life where no guilt exists or belongs. These people are going to totally dismiss the accounts of anyone who had no problems with their abortion, because they think they're right about how everyone else feels. There have been several abortions in the lives of people around me, and one in my life.
None of them have suffered psychogically. Some of them are in the same relationships, some are in different ones -- and the abortion had nothing to do with that in any of their situations. In my situation, I was very close friends with the guy involved, but not technically dating. We are still close friends -- probably closer, but not because of or in spite of the abortion. A pregnancy and a child would have destroyed our relationship and both of our lives.
Because we had an abortion, he was able to spend time and money getting himself treated for a serious medical condition, and I was able to do all the necessary work to break out of my terrible, life-sucking employment situation, and get into the field I wanted so badly.
In other words, our lives were both saved. There was never any question, and never any guilt, and our closeness was never tested. I resented him for not wanting to have it even though it we would be able to work it out, and quit trusting him. He was pissed that I even considered having it when before I had no desire for a baby, and quit trusting me. After we broke it off, he got the car. He still sends me stupid emails like "I was going to tell you I wanted the baby but you had already said you were fine with having an abortion and we should have had it and raised a family together.
We got married about 4 months after the abortion. We've never had any regrets--it would have been disastrous to have a child at that time--and our relationship never suffered for it.
We are going to be trying to start a family in the next year or two.
Is there love after abortion? ~ Viva la Feminista
As long as the abortion is a true mutual decision, I think you will be just fine. We certainly have been. They consulted me because I used to work for Planned Parenthood. At the time they were mainly concerned about the differences between medical and surgical abortions.
A year later, they are still together, and their relationship good. In fact, things had been a little rocky before the pregnancy, and weathering this thing together seems to have stabilized things for them. I mean, I know it isn't the worst thing in the world to go through, but it was really emotionally trying and hard, and it made me feel like, if we can get through this, we can get through anything.
You were so supportive, and there-for-me at every step; it was extremely hard for me, and you helped me make it through. It is still a touchy subject for her; it was about 9 months ago.
Then a few months later, we decided to get married, and that was 6 months ago next week. Hope this helps; wish answers could be posted Anon too. I got pregnant the first week after college ended and we moved in together, several months after breaking off our engagement because it seemed like we were rushing things. In the immediate aftermath, it strengthened things to know that he was there for me and that we could be completely open about our conflicted feelings and our regret that this was something we "needed" to do.
No money, no health insurance, no full-time job yet We got re-engaged just a few weeks later. But it was so hard to know that although we did want a child together, we just didn't want this child.
And for several years after that, I couldn't make myself forget when the due date would have been. So I would do little calculations of how old the child would have been, but I'd always be grateful that we were still childless and able to do the other things that newlyweds should be doing. Plus, we still had no money. The last time I felt any regret was as we were trying to have our first child. Finally ready, and I just couldn't get pregnant again.
Why would having an abortion mean the end of a relationship? I just don't believe it. Are we socialized to believe that despite study after study saying that women overwhelmingly feel relief after an abortion, that two adults in love must break up? That having an abortion dooms their romance? The story on ends without conclusion about the pregnancy, so I have no idea what happened. What if he returned and confessed his true feelings and she admitted that she felt the same way?
Alison seemed to have talked herself into wanting to carry the pregnancy to term, but realized it wasn't the right decision. Doing a web search for abortion stories, I ran across this story of a married couple with children who chose to abort and she's at peace with her decision.
At the Feminist Women's Health Center's website, there are story after story of women who had abortions. Some stories are of women who stayed with the manas one woman put it"who fathered the child who was not to be.
Can abortion be a part of a love story? I still think it can. On Glee, what if Quinn had decided to have an abortion?