Ending A Long Term Relationship with Grace – Top Ten Tips
Getting over a breakup isn't easy nor is ending a long term relationship. Knowing how to break up with your ex will make life after the relationship easier. No longer happy? First be sure it is time to say goodbye. Then end your long- term relationship the right way by following these nine steps. Ending any relationship is hard, but ending a long term relationship is even harder. Since you have been in a relationship for so long, your lives are more.
Yes No Have you been faithful unless the two of you had an agreement about having other liaisons.? Yes Have you treated your partner as you hope to be treated yourself? Yes No Have you had some personal counselling to talk through what's going on for you, or for advice about ending your relationship? Yes No Have you invested sufficient time and effort in this relationship - enjoyed the ups and worked through the downs?
How to end a relationship confidently and gracefully, and leave with dignity
Yes Click here to get your results below Your score is: Well, the more thoughtless the ending From my professional experience You won't need to commit to weekly sessions, you could just have a few online, WhatsApp, or email conversations.
I promise you, it can make all the difference. For further information, see my page: Relationship Breaking up Advice. How to end a long term relationship: Hopefully, you'll also have read my article When to break up your relationship. This means that come what may, you're mentally prepared to stay calm and polite.
Act in the way you'd have wanted your partner to behave if they were the one breaking up with you - however difficult your partner may make it for you. I promise you, if you need to engage a solicitor, that second step will help keep your costs down.13 Secrets for a Happy Long-Term Relationship
You won't be creating another layer of conflict on top of the one you're already dealing with. For help choosing the right lawyer see my article: How to Find a Lawyer Even if splitting up is unlikely to be amicable for whatever reasonyou may just manage a reasonable ending. You'll feel better for it and it may also help your partner to get over the ending sooner I hope that still matters to you, if only a little.
If you have children, the whole drama will be so much more manageable for them if the two of you can at the very least talk politely. Do all you can to stay as calm as possible. Stay in touch with family and friends and take time out for yourself to help you relax. How to end a relationship without causing unnecessary pain and bitterness It's very easy to make an already difficult situation even more unmanageable by doing any of the following: Putting the ending off when you really know you want to leave the relationship - sadly it just isn't going to be any easier a month or a year later.
It's unlikely that there's ever going to be a 'good' time for this type of ending. Of course, there could be a really bad time - for example in the middle of a major crisis. Try to calmly think through why exactly you've been putting it off and take a problem-solving approach to each reason or 'excuse' you come up with. Deliberately making life miserable and as difficult as possible in the hope that your partner says he or she no longer loves you and wants to end the relationship.
This would only add another layer of problems and stress on top of what you're dealing with already. Ending a long term relationship this way would leave you both with a very bitter taste in your mouth. Starting an affair The pain this causes should not be underestimated. Again, it just adds more problems and distress.
Ultimately your adultery could cause a great deal of trauma to all involved - not just your partner. If you want to be able to end your relationship as well as you can, then you'll need to end the affair - at least until you've dealt with the ending of your marriage or relationship See my article: Avoiding any conversation about the problems in your relationship or marriage may result in your partner making assumptions.
He or she will be desperately trying to figure out what's going on. You could be suspected of having an affaireven if there is no infidelity. Of course, if you are having an affair, I can understand you won't want to talk. However, you're only prolonging the agony if deep down you know you want to finish your primary relationship.
Packing your bags and disappearing No further explanation is needed here. Holding on to anger and resentment costs too much precious energy When and how not to end a long-term relationship Avoid causing more hassle, pain and a potentially longer lasting and more expensive process. Take heed of the following advice I may earn a commission from BetterHelp.
Don't end a relationship during a telephone conversation. Don't leave a voicemail with either a hint or a clear message about ending. Don't let someone else do the dirty job for you. Don't deliver the message in a public place. Ending a relationship in a public place should only be an option if you're worried about abuse see my article: Signs of an abusive relationship Don't tell friends, family members or colleagues you're ending your relationship or marriage before you tell your partner or spouse that it's over.
Don't end the relationship during a row - your partner may actually be pleased - it may be what she or he was hoping for! Don't write it online in any shape or form - email, Facebook status update or any other way. Don't give any kind of ultimatum. Breaking up an intimate relationship is never going to be easy. So I'm afraid there's no point thinking you can 'just do it' without causing any pain.
I'd always advise getting some professional help. It's so easy now to set up a session with an online licensed therapist. It matters not what time it is or what device you're using. I'm guessing you've already had experience of endings before though How to end a relationship when you've experienced badly handled endings in the past We experience all kinds of endings in a life-time that happen to all people breaking up of couple relationships the death of loved ones endings caused by moves for whatever reason change of jobs the ends of friendships and so on.
You may have lost a grandparent or pet as a child.
Or you may have suffered a family breakup with all the losses that entailed. Your previous experience of endings can become a template for those that follow. Your thoughts, feelings and actions are based on what happened to you before. Therefore, I'm really chuffed that you're taking the time and trouble to find out how best to end your relationship.
It's not an easy thing to do - so the more help and advice you can find, the better. Let's start with how to have that potentially gut-wrenching conversation How to end a relationship Ways that make a difficult conversation easier Even if your spouse or partner is expecting bad news, your delivery of it needs careful thought and courage! Being sure and well-prepared will help you do it more confidently and with empathy and compassion, when you want to leave your relationship.
When we get bad, or even shocking, news our brain takes more time to comprehend what is happening. I highly recommend you prepare yourself with self-hypnosis. Discover more about this affordable, effective and user-friendly aid in my article: This may cause them to act badly, to be mean or hurtful.
How to end a relationship confidently, gracefully and effectively
Understanding what is driving this bad behavior can help you to not reciprocate with equally mean behavior. You do not need to sink to a low level even if your partner has already done so.
Taking the high road, which means being honest, kind and considerate, pays off in terms of your own self-esteem. It frees you if you act your best instead of your worst, which can create guilt.
Guilt ties you to the other person. Acting in good conscience, even if you are the only one behaving well, frees you to go on with your life with a clear mind. Better to get through this part of the process as quickly as possible, by agreeing on the larger, high priority items sooner rather than later. Come to an agreement on the timing of when to tell others. If possible, be together when you tell important friends and family.
Blame is a game that nobody wins. It keeps you both stuck in your current reality. What matters is how to move forward. Blame sets you back and keeps you locked in the past. Forgiving, allowing the other person their version of reality, will set you free. Talking about it keeps you a prisoner of the past. Resist the temptation to play the blame game, and you will be free to live your own life and create a better new reality soon enough! Ending A Long Term Relationship —Etiquette Tip 6 — Discuss and Respect the New Communication Terms Even though you are breaking up you want to come to an agreement about how you are going to interact in the future, whether it is through unplanned or deliberate contact.
If you have lives that are entwined, this becomes even more important to discuss, and agree on terms of communication or lack of before it becomes an issue. For example, you might agree to a cooling off period — thirty days with no face or voice contact.
You might decide that major issues can be handled through e-mail or texting, but limit them to something like three a week. There is no one-size-fits-all formula for what kind of contact or non-contact is the right amount for you and your partner. If you have children, or a business together, you are going to need to work out how contact can be handled with respect and efficiency. Friends, family, co-workers and neighbors do not need to hear a laundry list of horrors.
If you need to purge your story, find a therapist, chaplain, or one trusted friend who will allow you to spill, without him repeating what you have said. Being broken up with is painful enough, without hearing stories when you least expect it from others. Make a promise to keep your personal life — well -- personal.
So, while you should be as kind as you can be without hurting yourself, you do need to make sure you protect yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. This means paying attention to your boundaries. How much contact with your wounded ex can you handle? You may have your own pain around ending the relationship, and you need to take care of yourself before you can extend yourself to your ex. This is often a balancing act, because he or she may be pulling on you for comfort, and you have to manage your own ability to disconnect without being unnecessarily rough on him or her.
You are in a process of separation, which is more than just physically leaving.
- 9 Crucial Steps to Ending a Long-Term Relationship
- 4 Signs It's Time to End a Long-Term Relationship