When Your Child Takes Your Ex-Spouse's Side : NPR
How do children react when their divorced parents want to date? But when she referred to their father as someone who was dating, the . Children who are manipulative are usually fearful that events in their life are spinning out of control. A new study claims that the relationships between dads and When you control for genetic factors, parenting effects tend to drop out. Research says parents of teenage girls are most likely to divorce. How can we protect our relationships through this strain? A new book by a leading clinical psychologist aims to guide parents by girls are teenagers, researchers have ruled out a cultural preference for having sons as a major factor.
As a teenager, I was deeply critical of my dad and what I regarded as his flaws.
I think my feelings were complicated by my struggle to emerge as a man in my own right: They've lost what they had — they've lost mum and dad together. People just don't understand that when they think: If they are 17 or 18, we may overestimate teenage maturity because they no longer have irrational strops.
In fact, research shows that the brain continues to develop until the age of 25 or But it creates a new difficulty: If they back off to give teenagers space to rage, that can be interpreted as uncaring. After my parents split, I remember feeling that the onus was on my dad to maintain contact with me; luckily for both of us, he did.
When you keep reassuring your teen that you love them, only to be faced by insults or silence, it must be hard not to lash out, or at least tell them it is tough for you too, and they are old enough to deal with it.
Talking to your teen about separation and divorce
It is absolutely essential, Rudkin and Northam agree, that divorcing parents of late teens remember to be the grownups. It sounds a bit banal, but one of the obvious things [for a departing father to do] is to say sorry.
I hope they have. And if they haven't, I hope that Chris is still trying, and Peter feels less fury. Twenty years on from my parents' divorce, the fact that I find it easier to empathise with Chris than with Peter's teenage anger is one sign that my dad and I managed to repair our relationship.
My own teenage rage seems a world away. So rather than take a passive approach to try to maintain some harmony, I think it's important that parents in this situation step up and find some way to communicate to their children. I suggest a more active approach in which you're careful not to put down the other parent, but to find a way to communicate. You don't have to tell your side of the story, but you do need to introduce the idea that there is another side to the story.
Teens and Dads after Divorce
It sounds like both of these kids are pretty volatile and angry. How might you specifically reach out to the children in these two cases?Meet Parents Who Say They No Longer Discipline Their ‘Out-Of-Control’ Teen
In the case of the Broken Dad, his emails aren't being answered and his number is blocked from communication. So one approach would be to try to use an intermediary — perhaps someone in the family who recognizes the terrible price that this girl is paying for her parents' divorce.
Otherwise, the father may need to use opportunities where his daughter does need something from him — a permission slip signed, auto insurance paid, etc.
- Why divorce can be so difficult for teenage children
- Teenage daughters may cause divorce, research says
- When Your Child Takes Your Ex-Spouse's Side
My concern is that, just as Broken Dad says that the silence is killing him slowly day by day, the relationship is dying as well. The absence of contact is not allowing his daughter to see her dad and to be confronted with his love for her.
She's only seeing him through the eyes of her mother, who's angry and who did not want the breakup. The dad's taking all the heat for this when, in reality, we know that in most relationships that fail, each partner has some responsibility for the end of the relationship. Let's say the husband had an affair and a secret life was revealed, and then the marriage comes to an end.
What happens in those cases — when the kids take a side because it's reasonable to defend one of the parents?