Mar 27, One thing you simply cannot ignore about your relationship is that You Can't Have A Healthy Relationship Until You're Happy With Yourself. Dec 28, "Allow yourself to be happy in a good relationship," relationship coach for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle. But that feeling of merging may contribute to you feeling like you're losing your identity—or losing yourself in the relationship. When two become one, there's.
When we broke up, I felt literally like I lost a limb, complete with phantom sensations of his hand in mine. I was highly unstable and insecure back then, and most of my relationships revolved around holding me up. For eight years I ping ponged from fling to fling and extreme to extreme—putting myself out there far too soon or completely hiding my authentic self ; expecting mountains to move or anticipating the worst; choosing the wrong people and refusing to let goor choosing the right people and running away.
In each case, I either burdened the guy with a body bag full of my fears and insecurities, or dragged it around myself wondering why dating felt so exhausting.
I learned every lesson the hard way, after first proving myself completely insane by doing the same things and over and over again and expecting different results. For each one, I listed a few simple ways to apply those ideas right now. It seems like you can only have happy relationships if you can be happy with or without them.
The only person who can do that is you! The best relationship is when you bring out the best in each other, and you are purely content when neither has anything to say.
Make a list or mental note of all the things to appreciate about you.Self-Love - Six Tips to Love Yourself First - Your Relationship is Hopeless Without it
Work on forgiving yourself. The past is the past and you deserve to put it behind you, but no one else can let it go for you. Be good to yourself today. Practice yoga, meditate, or take a walk. Be best friends first. Everything else can be forgiven, accepted, or put aside; however, values are the root of how we relate to all beings. My boyfriend and I met at karaoke, so singing together is a great way to connect. Are you trying to jam a square peg into a round hole?
Accept that not everyone or everything is perfect. He or she can enhance the happiness that you nurture in yourself, but it is not their responsibility to make you happy. If you rely on them for happiness you will drain the space between you.
How to Develop Self-Love & Strengthen Your Relationship
Make sure you take the responsibility yourself. It starts with adopting a mindset that happiness is a choice, meaning you give yourself the power to cultivate happiness for yourself.
Choosing happiness means accepting the truism that the only person you can change is you. Instead of looking to change others, you work on yourself and make sure you meet your own needs. Another way to take responsibility for your own happiness is to choose to be present. If you wait for the perfect conditions before you allow yourself to be happy, then you will always be waiting. You quiet thoughts of the past or the future and decide to be happy in the moment. Doing the little things that make you happy helps with this.
Embrace the small daily moments you have to nurture yourself, like sitting down with a cup of tea or taking ten minutes to meditate. This can help quiet your mind, allowing you be present and to find a moment of joy in your day. Working through your baggage from the past can also help you feel lighter and more present and makes it easier to choose happiness. See in yourself what your partner sees in you.
Insecure people struggle to see anything good in themselves and are often dismissive of the positive things their partner sees.
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Ask you partner what they see in you and what it is about you that they love. This is a great date night exercise for couples.
Write a list of twenty things you love about each other and take turns reading them out. If you do this regularly you will slowly take it onboard and internalize it and start to believe it about yourself. For example, I used to be critical of myself for being too reserved and boring.
Instead of seeing this as me being boring and something to be critical of, I now see it as a sign of strength and something valuable that I bring to the relationship. On the other hand a relationship will also hold up a mirror to your flaws. Things you have learned to live with about yourself may irritate your partner. We all have our flaws.
Some things can be ignored; others might be something you want to work on. Forgive yourself for your failings. Holding a grudge against yourself gets in the way of self-love.
Remember love is an action, not a feeling. Wise minds have always maintained that love is something you choose to do, not an emotion that you feel.
This is often said about loving another but the same is true about loving yourself.
Make time to nurture yourself and fulfill your own needs. This is a period where you put yourself first over any other commitments or other people.
Do simple activities that you enjoy.
Some like to meditate, do yoga, or read. One session might not make a big difference, but if you can make it a regular daily habit then the cumulative benefits will add up.
Every day for the last year I have woken up an hour earlier than normal so that I have my daily self-love time.