Deaf-Hearing Relationships: Happily Ever After? | Deaf Counseling Center
A Deaf-hearing relationship can refer to a number of possible scenarios. These differences in communication styles are difficult enough for most couples I'm not in a Deaf-Hearing relationship, but if I was, you better believe I would be if im angry with him i feel so stupid cos to shout at him and express my feelings its so. on Pinterest. | See more ideas about Campaign, Deaf people and Abusive relationship. UK Businesses Must Allow Access To Hearing Dogs - Not Pets - Captions . 8 pm CT, 9 EST Participant: Self Mute/Unmute or not? I suppose if it was a sitting area only and then I had a house big enough for a family room!. of sense that I would date someone who could choose when to mute me. My girlfriend, like many people who suffer some form of deafness, exists in Nevertheless, it does mean certain things are different about our relationship. I' m not arrogant enough to believe I understand her better than anyone.
Now let us pass to the 'Combined' method. This is the system that Gallaudet, the first teacher of the deaf in America, found in this country, and erroneously supposed to be the 'German' method. He took this for granted, because articulation was taught. He failed to appreciate, as so many do now, the cardinal difference of these systems.
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It is this, that under the 'Combined' method, a system of signs is the basis of instruction, articulation being only an accomplishment, just as modern languages were taught in our old public schools, with the result we all know; the thing was looked upon by the boys as a 'bore,' and the knowledge or rather want of knowledge of these languages so gained, and the little use they were in after life, have passed into a byword.
Those thus taught never feel at home in speaking, find great difficulty in making themselves understood, and so soon cease to continue the attempt. So it is with those taught on the 'Combined' method. Articulation is to them a 'bore,' they find people outside their schools unable to understand them, and so they, too, soon cease to make the attempt.
Thus articulation is brought into discredit, not by its being in any way unsuited to the deaf, but because it has been treated as an accomplishment. Indeed, the case of those thus educated practically differs but little from those under the 'French' system, but that little is not in favour of the 'Combined' method. In examining the pupils taught on this system, have found them the least educated, and the reason was not far to seek; for the pupils so taught were taken away from the rest to learn articulation, it may be half-an-hour a day, more or less.
What were the constant remarks of the teachers? Why, that 'the articulation pupils were behind the others. But, it may be argued, 'Could not more time be given to articulation? In that case no good result is to be gained, because articulation will be but a foreign language, in which ease enough to be pleasant or useful will rarely be gained, an annoyance very often—a task, and will ever lead to disappointment.
Is it not startling to hear English spoken of thus, in the case of English children? Yet such is English to those taught on the 'French' or 'Combined' methods. It is a foreign language to them, as we are constantly reminded by the teachers of those systems.
Let us see whether such is the case with those taught on the 'German' system. Here, to begin with, there is no inverted order; and, as those taught thereon have no other medium for thought than the English language, there is certainly no reason, theoretically, why their language should not be as pure as that of hearing children.
This is scarcely the case at first, yet such a result is reached before leaving school, and is not lost afterwards. I fancy I hear someone say, 'This may be so with the semi-mute and the semi-deaf, but can it be possible with the toto-congenital, who have never heard? Are they able to make speech the means of communication with the world in general?
Remembering the three classes called. In these cases names and dates will not be specified, but they are at the service of any person who chooses to ask for them for the purpose of proving the accuracy of the statements contained in this paper. I will not weary you with cases of the semi-deaf speaking, because it must be evident to all, that this class—having hearing, although not sufficient to enable them to be educated with hearing children—have ear enough to understand to a certain extent the modulations of sound.
We will pass on, therefore, to the next class, the semi-mute. The first case we will take is that of one of the daughters of a gentleman who, through his kindness to us, has become a great personal friend of my own.
As soon as he heard the object of our journey, and that our child was deaf, he spared neither pains, time, nor personal exertion to help us in this matter. His child had lost hearing, from fever, between four and five years of age. At that time there were no schools in his country on this admirable 'German. A lady of great wealth had four children; fever came and struck down three; two died, the other lived, but her hearing was totally lost. She was then four years of age.
The poor mother, as might be expected, was overwhelmed with grief, and, for twelve months was herself ill, and unable to attend to the education of her poor little deaf child. It was not until the latter was between five and six years of age, twelve months after losing hearing, that the mother attempted to educate her at all.
Her speech was almost gone; indeed, to such an extent was this the case, that she had but one word left, a word natural to a child, 'cake. She made a practice of giving her deaf child two hours every morning, and with this instruction her daughter became a highly educated and agreeable woman in society. We spent the day at her father's house, and a most accomplished woman we found her.
To me she talked of riding she was a great horsewomanbilliards, and other topics she thought would interest me, explaining the difference between their game of billiards and ours, giving me the names of the different woods the cues were made of, and conversing with me as freely as though she had been a hearing person; indeed, several times during the day, my wife forgot that she was speaking to one deaf, so accurately did this deaf young lady read everything that was said to her when she could see the speaker's face; but occasionally my wife, forgetting this, turned away, and, of course, received no answer.
Yet, had she been sent to a 'French' system school, all speech would have been lost. There would have been no attempt made to keep up, or restore, the speech of a child so young; and one more would have been added to the long list of the dumb.
The next and last case of a semi-mute—well known, but which did not come under our own observation—is that of a man who went through part of the civil war in the United States as a private soldier. He spoke so well that for some time the secret of his deafness was undiscovered. One night, however, he was challenged by a sentry, and, taking no notice, was wounded.
This led to discovery, and he had to leave the army. His early history is interesting and instructive, and I will give it almost in his own words as told to a friend of mine. He lost hearing through fever at five years of age, but retained his speech. His friends communicated with him by writing. One day sitting on the floor he watched his father and a neighbour talking, and when the neighbour left, he looked up and said, 'Did not Mr. The 'German' system was then unknown in America; But the boy did practise, both with his family, and by studying his own lips before the glass.
The only difficulty being that he soon discovered a difference in his own pronunciation of words ending in 'tion' as he called it 'ti-on,' and such like spellings, where the sound and the spelling did not agree. At twelve years of age he was sent to the American Asylum at Hartford, and for a whole year he could make absolutely nothing out of the signs and finger talking used around him. This made him very wretched. He continued to say his lessons aloud to the master, who questioned him on his fingers.
One day going to his master for the meaning and pronunciation of some new and difficult word, the master in a fit of impatience at his not pronouncing it rightly wrote the word down, spelling it phonetically; the boy at once gave it correctly, and his delight and joy were intense. Here was the key of knowledge. From that day he always went to others with his new words, with the request 'Spell it wrong; spell it as it sounds,' and he had no more difficulty.
He married a deaf and dumb woman, and had several children, all of whom heard. When these children were old enough, they were sent to school. Very soon a complaint came to the father from the teacher, his children were so remarkably impudent and naughty they would write nonsense on their slates instead of their exercises.
They had been punished, but continued to bring such sentences as this: He at once wrote, explaining that they had been in the habit of communicating chiefly with their deaf and dumb mother, who employed signs, and this inverted language was the consequence. If no notice were taken, but the children allowed to mix freely with their schoolfellows, he had no doubt their language would right itself, and so the event proved.
We now come to the last of the three classes of the so-called 'deaf and dumb'—the toto-congenital. How these educated on the 'German' system were able, after leaving school, to get on in the world by articulation and lip-reading, was, you may remember, the great object of our inquiries. This point is all the more important now, as the advocates of the 'French' system allow, in theory, however little they carry it out in practice, the value of teaching articulation to most of the semi-mute and semi-deaf, but still deny the use of attempting it with toto-congenitals except in very rare instances.
Now as to those who have left the 'German' system schools. Had we expected to find old pupils that 'one would not have known from hearing persons' we should have been disappointed. There may be such, but we have never been able to trace any, nor did we ever meet with a 'German' system teacher who knew of one—that is, a toto-congenital pupil, old or present, that habitually, or for any length of time, could pass as a hearing person.
But what we did see were men and women, able to earn their own livelihood in trades and other occupations, communicating with and answering hearing persons sufficiently well by articulation and lip-reading to go through the world comfortably, and, in some instances, very successfully.
In no case were we unable to make ourselves understood or failed to understand in return, except when with those educated in a school where some signs were allowed, a large 'internt. We asked their fellow-workmen, their employers, their work people, their relations, and those with whom they lodged, 'How do they communicate with hearing persons? But let us pass on to cases that came under our own notice.
One, that of a poor woman living with an aunt, is worthy of special notice, showing as it does that the education given on the 'German' system is good, and not lost afterwards. She had left school some twelve years, and lived in a part of Germany where one of the many dialects prevailing in that country was spoken. Her aunt, a garrulous old woman, chattered at such a rate that my wife, though a good German scholar, was sometimes at fault, as was also the German lady who acted as my interpreter.
More than once, when such was the case, my wife asked the deaf niece, whose purer German interpreted the sentence. Another case was that of a young woman, who was a leading dressmaker in a small German capital. She was rather shy at first. On our mentioning this to the land-lord of the hotel where we were staying, he called the hotel porter, who was engaged to the deaf dressmaker, and told him we had not found his sweetheart very communicative.
Whereupon the porter begged we would, escorted by himself, give her another trial. So off we started, but met the young woman soon after we left the hotel. The meeting of the two lovers was most amusing. He took her roundly to task for appearing to so little advantage on our first acquaintance, and, after some lively sparring—rattled off between them just as though both, instead of one only, had been hearing persons—we chimed in, and had a long and pleasant talk.
She assured us that, in following her occupation, the only means of communication between herself and those who employed her were articulation and lip-reading. Writing was never had recourse to; finger-talking and signs she did not understand.
We saw in Vienna a fancy leather merchant, who employed seventy men under him, whose premises the Emperor and Empress of Austria visited before the great Vienna Exhibition, who could not only speak the language of his country fluently, but also a little English, who had visited England and other countries, was a practical horticulturist, and altogether an agreeable, intelligent, wealthy man—wealthy through his own educated talents and industry.
A good instance of the independence which pupils, well educated on this system, feel in after life, was mentioned to me last year. A journeyman cabinet-maker had such a thorough command of language, that he told my friend he intended to seek work in other countries, and should settle in whichever he found gave him best employment, having no doubt of being able soon to talk the new language sufficiently.
Not to weary you with more of the many other instances one could give, I will end this part by telling you that we went into a hatter's shop in Friedberg, who had a toto-congenital deaf workman. That very morning a man had been convicted for theft, principally on the evidence, given viva voce in open court, by that deaf workman, who stood the test of examination and cross-examination without any other method of communication being used than word of mouth.
After what you have just heard of the power of the 'German' system, does it not seem strange that its introduction into this country should have been opposed so strongly? Yet the same prejudice against the value of the system—taking the twofold form, either of utter disbelief in the power of the deaf to speak, because they are called "deaf and dumb"; or, on the other hand, the deep-rooted idea that speech, when thus given, is not better than that of the parrot, or the magpie—is widespread, as the following will show.
A gentleman in America had a child who lost hearing in her fifth year; he took her to the best institutions that he knew of in his own country. These were on the 'French' system. He was there told he had better take her back, and bring her again when she was twelve. And what is to become of her speech? She has already lost some of her words. Finding the great benefit their child received from this method of teaching, the father endeavoured to get a school established on this principle.
For this purpose he applied for State aid—which is, I believe, freely afforded for the education of the deaf in every civilised country but our own. His application was refused. Twice his proposition was defeated in Congress; and it was not until he had publicly exhibited the success of the system in the person of his own child, that the measure was passed.
The opposition was led by a member of Congress, who himself had a toto-congenital deaf and dumb child. When I was in America the school was large and nourishing; one of the warmest supporters, and most active members of its committee, being the very Congressman who had so long and successfully opposed its foundation. He told me himself that he felt he could never do enough to further the 'German' system, in order to make amends for having kept its benefits from his native State so long.
Now, we will go to a very different part of the world, and give you an instance of the prejudice which did exist against this system in Switzerland. For this purpose I will quote from the able report of Mr. Kinsey, made of a school at Riehen.
Deaf-Hearing Relationships: Happily Ever After?
He is the gentleman who has qualified himself by residence and practical instruction, in the best German schools in Germany, to preside over the proposed training college for teachers of this system in England: I cannot refrain from advising anyone reading or listening to the following story, if at some future time they happen to find themselves at Bale, to drive over to Riehen and visit the 'Deaf and Dumb Institution' there.
I promise them that they will be most cordially received, and what is far more to the purpose, greatly astonished at what can be done with children stone deaf from birth.
Arnold, the admirable head of this school, could with but the greatest difficulty and economy make both ends meet. Persons accustomed to support charitable institutions pooh-poohed it, looked upon it as the idea of a visionary, a waste of money, which might with greater advantage be used elsewhere. Foremost among such persons was a rich merchant of Bale, named Merian.
This gentleman had occasion very often to visit Mr. Arnold at Reihen on business not connected with the school. On each of these visits at the conclusion of the work in hand, Mr. Arnold would endeavour to interest his wealthy friend in the school, but always without success. He sighed to think how easily this rich man could place them out of all their pecuniary troubles, could he be but once convinced of the genuineness of the education.
But how to do it was the question. He had talked, argued, quoted in favour of his school, had invited Mr. Merian to see and hear for himself. Merian had no time to waste in such an absurd manner; he was a strict man of business, and the moment his business with Mr Arnold was at an end, he would step into his carriage and be driven back to Bale. Merian, being, let us suppose, in a very good humour, or Mr. Arnold's entreaties to him to visit the schoolrooms being more than usually strong, he consented just to give five minutes of his valuable time to an examination of the children.
Crossing from the dwelling-house to the school he grumbled out, 'You know it's all nonsense, Arnold; you know very well, as well as I do, that these children just talk like so many trained parrots; I don't deny they do talk, never did, but I simply repeat they talk like parrots, and it's a downright waste of time teaching them to do so.
Merian continued, 'I never could understand how a man like you, so thoroughly conscientious and honest in all other respects, should be mixed up with such humbug, such charlatanry as this. Merian broke out at once, 'There, I knew it, I told you what it would be, "good day," "good night," "pretty poll.
Merian sat down, but without thanking the boy for his politeness. What was the use of thanking one who couldn't understand?
Arnold said to the class, 'This is Mr. This gentleman, however, broke out again, 'There, there, I can't stop any longer; it is nothing more than what I expected.
Arnold, 'while I ask the children one or two questions. Merian come this morning? Merian sat up in his chair, and paid somewhat more attention. Merian's carriage one or two horses? Merian said hastily, 'Now, Arnold, you are deceiving me; you are telling them all this in some secret way. Arnold, 'I never make use of signs or the finger alphabet; and if I did, I am truly happy to say my pupils wouldn't understand me: Merian jumped up, saying, 'This is very curious,' looking from Mr Arnold to the boy who had last spoken, and appearing puzzled.
Arnold, without answering, went on, 'Why does Mr. Merian ride in his own carriage, instead of walking or going by cart, as we do? Merian is a very rich man, and can afford to ride in his carriage. Arnold, quietly; 'they all think and express their ideas as you and I do. True, not in such finished language, because at present their vocabulary, like that of all children, is limited; but I hope, by the time they are confirmed, they will be able to express themselves in as perfect language if not more so as do their parents and relatives.
This was done, and after half-an-hour he said, 'Arnold, why didn't you tell me about this before? Why did you leave me under such an erroneous impression? Arnold, 'if I have told you once, I have told you a hundred times. But, there, I will come and see your school again to-morrow.
I feel quite interested in the poor little things, since I find they can talk rationally. The first time he put some questions vocally to one of the children, and received an answer, his delight was boundless. He felt almost that he was the wonderful instructor of the child, that he had placed the little deaf boy before him, far above the reach of his sad affliction, and had given him the power to see that which others hear; that he himself had restored to the poor boy the Divine gift of human speech, temporarily lost, but which for the untiring aid and skill of his teachers, would have been lost indeed for ever.
Merian made a resolution, and his resolution was good. He gave 32, florins for the purpose of educating six pupils annually; and lent his most willing assistance and influence to the method of instruction he had so long, through unreasoning prejudice, condemned and despised. Clarke most liberally endowed the institution at Northampton, Mass. Let us hope to find in this far richer country some such munificent benefactors.
Briefly to recapitulate some of the conclusions to which our investigations led us, we find that the 'French' system schools, to a limited extent, will always be wanted for those who cannot be educated on the 'German' system, viz. All others should be educated on the 'German' system.
And it should be borne in mind that it is for the poor that education on this system is so especially desirable. Important as it is to all, to the poor the gift of speech is of intense value, enabling them to make themselves understood to the world at large. So far as to the system. How should it be carried out?
At home when possible, which should be the case wherever a mother or elder sister could devote the time and patience necessary, or under a private governess. Failing home education, small day-schools are to be strongly recommended, being preferable to large ones, and large ones preferable to boarding schools or institutions, the object being to render the deaf akin to hearing persons in their tastes, habits, and inclinations—their friendships and marriages—to enable them to be absorbed into general society, instead of forming them, as the 'French' method does, into a body alien and apart from the speaking world.
How is this to be accomplished? Five years ago, at the end of the able paper read by Sir George then Dr. Dasent before your Society, from this place, he said that an association had been formed for the purpose of starting a day-school on the 'German' system, and that, with your sympathy, the association felt assured of success. His words have been fully realised. People would come to me, speaking very slowly, stretching their mouth, and making other people laugh.
Others would then wonder why they were speaking to me like that and would do the same. It was a horrible nightmare!
One boy in my school confronted me and spoke to me in a way that every word I spoke, he would take the mickey. I felt really annoyed and ignored him. I wonder if there are many other deaf people who would stand up to this issue. Is this fair on deaf people like me? We are deaf not dumb! I help promote respectful behaviour and good discipline amongst students. I also raise awareness about bullying, how it affects people and the importance of tackling it.
I also attend ABA Anti-Bullying Ambassadors meetings once a week to ensure the effects and consequences of bullying are understood by every student in the school. Any child can experience bullying, but deaf children and young people are more vulnerable to it. The charity found that difficulties with language, communication and social skills can all contribute to deaf children feeling left out and being bullied by their peers.
Bullying is never okay and can cause horrible things such as depression, anxiety and a lack of sleep. Below are some of my top tips: