NLP: A New Way of Thinking About Your Relationships
Even though the presentation of this material is oriented around couple relationships and sexual functioning, it is important to know that these techniques are just. Building good relationships does come more easily to some people, but it is a skill that can be developed, and NLP offers a number of perspectives and tools to . Creating Magical Relationships with NLP with Michael Stevenson.
Someone I know who is responsible for leading an organization has recently had great success in moving the organization foreword by using Facebook as a way to communicate. He does not like Facebook and would rather not use it, but he realizes that, given the age profile of the people in the organization, he needs to use the most effective platform he can to get his message across.
Since introducing the new Facebook group, communication and participation have improved enormously. Communication is always about you, the communicator. If the message has not got through, then you need to change the way it is delivered.
Everyone does the best they can with the resources available to them When a small child falls over, he usually starts to cry or scream. He does this because he has no other resources available to him. He knows from experience that crying will attract the attention of his mother, who will help him. As adults, we behave in more sophisticated and complex ways, but the same principle holds — we do what we believe will bring about the best results. Developing excellent relationships is often about understanding why people behave the way they do, not from our perspective, but from theirs, and helping them to find a more productive behaviour by giving them new resources.
Relationship problem advice
Everyone is doing the best they can, given what they have. Often, the best thing you can do for someone is give them new tools. You are in control of your mind and hence your results NLP is all about taking personal responsibility and tells us that we are always operating from one of two perspectives — cause or effect.
But the truth is that, whether at cause or at effect, we are always in control — we are making the choice about which perspective to operate from. We tend to assume our way of thinking is the only correct way of thinkingbut NLP teaches you to recognise other views of the world are different to yours. NLP helps you find the real reasons why you have negative emotions in your relationships, and teaches you about better communication. It was soon clear that they both needed to resolve negative reactions that had become habitual.
Can NLP Help Improve Your Relationships?
There was a pattern of arguing in the evening. As soon as dinner was finished, Mike would want to load the dishwasher, whereas Katie would want to relax and talk about her day. A few times Katie had asked that they left it but Mike continued. This left Katie feeling unimportant, ignored and eventually as time passed started to irritate her.
After each meal, Katie would automatically feel annoyed when Mike got up. She leaned away about a foot into the corner of the couch, but she did start talking somewhat tenuously.
Can NLP Help Improve Your Relationships?
Over the next 2 hours she told me about our family, our relationship, work and her aspirations as an artist. I could not help but notice that as the 2 hours passed Donna moved back to the same position she started out in and even moved closer.
This changed my ideas about developing listening skills and establishing rapport as part of starting a conversation. My conversation skills definitely improved from that point on, but as I progressed through practitioner training I began to wonder what other techniques could improve the relationship Donna and I had. I had always looked at improved communications as an end in itself. Last year I was studying sub-modalities and started to change unsatisfactory personal and business situations with sub-modality changes in location, size, color, light, tint; volume and tone, pumping up certain feelings.
I began to wonder if changing certain sub-modalities could enhance my relationship with Donna. We both felt that we had a strong relationship with good communications and support for one another. I started by visualizing her in front of me, behind, and to both sides.
If she was in sight, either in front or either side, the light was good and my feelings were heightened.
If I brightened the image, her face was clearer and with a great smile. If I brightened her smile I felt even better. Distance was not an issue as long as I could see her.
As I was able to verbalize to Donna what I was doing with sub-modalities, she seemed to understand and like what I was doing. This encouraged me even more. Next I turned to auditory. When and where did I enjoy her voice the most? What were the elements? What tone s did I use that had the most positive effect in our relationship? Experimenting with tone has had a strong impact at work as well, matching tone with associates in standard business situations and even corrective interviews and negotiations.
I reviewed the visual and auditory experiences, good and bad, to find out what had worked well and what had not. Replaying the experiences really helped to enhance the positive use of sub-modalities. Changing sub-modalities has enhanced the fun and loving experiences, and reduced the tension from a lot of negative emotional situations. Donna really liked talking about the changes and trying them on to see how they worked toward me.