In Romantic Relationships, You’re Either A Spark-Chaser Or A Long Burner | HuffPost
Relationship's are complex, amazing and exciting, so why can they lose their spark? Most of the time the transition is so gradual and slight that. quotes have been tagged as lost-love: John Green: 'You can love someone so much. Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle “Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.” . Knowledge Quotes k; Relationships Quotes k; Motivational Quotes 9k; Education Quotes 9k; Time Quotes. Here are the 30 troubled relationship quotes that will break your heart and sort your feelings. thing that you have to keep in mind – no relationship in the whole world can be all rainbows and butterflies. . Nicholas Sparks.
Perhaps you left your first few dates with the thrilling anticipation of seeing them again. If you did notice any less than favorable qualities, they were easy to overlook and probably overshadowed by all the things you liked. Unfortunately, over time, many people start focusing more on what they see as their companion's flaws and shortcomings rather than the qualities they once found endearing.
As Marriage and Family Therapists, we have worked with many clients who have innocently fallen into that negative trap. What we have found is that most relationships can be greatly enhanced when partners consciously and regularly remember and re-experience the thoughts, feelings, and appreciation they once had for each other. Try looking at your partner through new eyes.
Consciously consider the things you like, love, and appreciate. Think about what you would miss about them if they were gone. What attracted you to your partner in the first place? What were your early dates like?
What were the qualities about this person that you found most loveable? Recall the sweet times you have shared together and focus your attention on your partner's positive qualities so you can re-experience the feelings that you felt in the early days of your relationship.
Listen Attentively -- When you went on the first few dates with your partner, you probably did not have your face buried in an iPad or a cell phone.
Perhaps they weren't even invented yet!Why Relationships Lose Excitement and How To Bring Back The Flame
It is more likely that you paid close attention to him or her and acted in a manner that showed how much you truly cared about what they had to say. You probably wanted to know everything about them and listened carefully to what they shared about themselves. That loving attentiveness you once demonstrated and received can easily lessen as the years go by. Taking the time to intently listen to your partner can have a profoundly positive impact on closeness and connection.
If your partner initiates a conversation, whenever possible, stop what you are doing and make eye contact with this person you once adored. As they share their thoughts and feelings with you, truly focus on what they have to say. Remind yourself that since what they are saying feels important enough for them to share with you, they deserve your undivided attention. If the timing is not good for you, respectfully tell them, "I really want to hear what you have to say but I need a few minutes to fill in the blank with your need in order to be able to give you my full attention.
Would that be okay? Inquire Deeply -- In the courting stage of relationships, people usually want to know more about each other. Granted, all the stories are new and hot off the press when you first meet, but even if you have been with someone for years, you can still remain genuinely open to wanting to hear more about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
The Main Reason A Relationship Loses Its Spark
Even if your partner is retelling a story that you have already heard, think about how many times you have repeatedly listened to a song or watched a movie. There is always something worthwhile to learn from your loved one's experiences and thoughts.
Practice asking your partner about their day or seize the opportunity to inquire more deeply if they voluntarily share something about themselves.
See if you can really listen to what they are saying and respect that what they are telling you matters to them, even if it might be about a subject that you do not personally relate to.
Try asking a few follow-up questions about what they shared. The key is to be fully present with this person you care about and to give them your full attention as they share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Listen to them in the same respectful, attentive, considerate manner that you would like them to have with you. Mind Your Manners -- Take an honest look at the way you speak to your spouse or partner, particularly when you are frustrated, angry, tired, or depressed.
5 Ways to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship | HuffPost Life
Unfortunately, for many people, if they spoke to their friends the way they speak to their partners, they wouldn't have too many friends left. The tone we use and the words we choose can have a profound impact, both positive and negative, on the quality of our relationship. So it's extremely important that we manage our emotions, which requires self-awareness, self-control, commitment, and maturity.
Remember to stay tuned in to your own thoughts, feelings, and needs so that you are able to communicate respectfully when your emotions are triggered. Too often people use harsh words that can unwittingly do damage and echo in their partner's ears for a long time. The trick is to find out which one you are, and be that. If you are that person who has ended a long-term relationship over not feeling the magic, then you owe it to yourself and others to become a polyamorist.
- 5 Ways to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship
- Relationships Quotes
- In Romantic Relationships, You’re Either A Spark-Chaser Or A Long Burner
There is no in-between. American culture is dead wrong about this. If you are thirty or over and always looking for the person who will satisfy every need while making you feel like you are in love, you need to stop being in relationships.
There is also no evolutionary purpose to the in love feeling lasting longer than it takes to produce offspring. Sorry, but nature is far from romantic. They should, and they do. They are comfortable doing so because they are rooted in where the relationship is and have the emotional depth to roll with the tide, to endure the plateaus, and to always seek the best in the other person.
Are you interested in always being in and out of love? Admit that poly is best for you. Certainly, there are other reasons to end a relationship that are perfectly valid. Figure out who you are, what you want, and be that. The only people who can have both are those few who are very, very good at polyamory.
A version of this piece originally appeared on Medium.