Bad relationship with stepchildren

I wish my stepchildren would go away |

bad relationship with stepchildren

It also nurtures the bruised hearts of stepchildren who have lost their family, She is left to ponder, How do you build a relationship with someone who has no. "Do I love my stepchildren?" reflects Alex, 30 . "You don't like to think of yourself as a bad person. I thought It was an 'I-want-to-be-there' feeling I experienced - a jealousy of his relationship and shared experience with her. They enter the relationship with tremendous enthusiasm and commitment What happens when the ex-spouse bad-mouths the new spouse?.

I feel like a stereotypical wicked stepmother when I complain about my stepchildren because they are good kids. I understand that the irritating things they do are totally normal for kids their age and I think that maybe if I loved them then perhaps I wouldn't care so much about the stuff that bugs me.

But I don't know how to make that happen. I don't love them now and I don't think I ever will. To be completely honest, sometimes I even feel disgusted by them. I used to think that something was wrong with me because I could not feel love for them. When I was pregnant with my daughter I hoped that her birth would throw some internal switch inside me and loving her would help me to love her half-siblings too.

But that never happened. I am madly in love with my own child but still cannot feel anything for my stepchildren. In fact, most of the time I wish they would just go away so that I could live my life in peace with my husband and daughter. I have been honest with my husband about this. It hurts him deeply to know that I do not love his children. I also realize that on some level the kids can feel that I do not want them around.

bad relationship with stepchildren

I fear that this will harm them or cause problems for them later in life but I also feel powerless to change it. The truth is that right now I really don't want to.

I wish my stepchildren would go away

I just want them to go away. Giving up custody of the kids is not an option. I made a commitment to my husband to help him raise his children. Besides, their mother does not have the financial or emotional resources to provide for them on a long-term basis.

So while I would rather not have them in my home I also know that I cannot send them away: I must deal with this somehow. I just don't know how to do it.

Avoiding the step-parent trap - Telegraph

Guilty Stepmom Dear Guilty Stepmom, While I do not have a quick and ready solution to your immediate problem, I think I can suggest a plan of action that may be of help long-term. In raising your own child, you know your own values, standards and patterns of behavior, which you will pass on to your own children.

When you are given a child whose attitudes and standards are out of sync with yours, you may have serious problems. Is it being unprepared that makes step-parenting so difficult? The skills of mothering can be learned in time.

  • I'm a stepmother and I admit I don't love my stepchildren
  • Avoiding the step-parent trap
  • I love him, but not his kids

But rejection from children is something most people are unprepared for. Here they are doing their very best, giving as much as they can, often out of duty to their new spouse, and they feel ripped off.

As for the man, nothing is worse than to see that his wife and his children, the people he cares most about, are miserable. Why do women have more fantasies about stepparenthood than men? Single women who have never had children are the most at risk here—they see stepparenthood as an opportunity to prove themselves.

Any real parent knows how hard it is to raise children. The instant stepmother wants to show she can do it and jumps in, so the natural difficulties are much more painful and surprising.

bad relationship with stepchildren

What do you do when a problem arises between stepparents and stepchild? It has to be thrashed out then and there. If the natural parent supports the child in his actions, and you tolerate this, you will always be miserable.

How do finances affect stepparenting? There are two sides to this question.

Dealing with Stepchildren - Your, Mine, Ours (The Blended Family) - David D. Ireland, Ph.D.

Most studies show that lower-income families have better step relations because they are more used to taking in extra members of the family. On the other hand, having money for outside help—camp, nursery school, a babysitter or therapy—lessens the strain. What happens when the ex-spouse bad-mouths the new spouse? This usually means that the adult is not finished with the relationship or is trying to maintain a relationship that no longer exists.

If the new parent criticizes the former spouse, kids can feel that they are betraying their natural parent by visiting the home of the stepparent. Is she sure she's not just moaning about mothering in general? Parenting takes an enormous amount of hard work, so does step-parenting - but the difference is that step-parents are doing all these basic practicalities and it's not through love. Nor is she worried that it could appear to some that she put her feelings above her stepchildren's in being so brutally honest.

I still had problems.

bad relationship with stepchildren

Just because mine weren't as far up the scale as theirs doesn't mean they're not worthy or don't exist. On the mantelpiece behind her there is a small framed photograph of Chloe and Tom grinning, either side of their dad, arms entwined around him. Alex's candour is appealing but at times heartbreaking - from a child's point of view. She relates a bleak moment when she was looking after Tom on her own.

Yet Alex does just that in an attempt to explode the myth of the wicked stepmother, not conform to it. I thought, 'Am I really the evil stepmother here, wishing these children away? There she is terrorising the lives of poor innocents such as Snow White, Cinderella and Hansel and Gretel, deeply unmaternal and wilfully destructive.

One of her many crimes is daring to put herself first, to selfishly desire to be the most beautiful in the kingdom.

bad relationship with stepchildren

Which could explain the wall of silence. Another reason why the stepmother archetype endures is that it touches on some elemental truths about jealousy, resentment and the battle for the father's attention; note that it is almost always stepdaughters, not stepsons, in tales who fare worse at their grasping stepmothers' hands. She'd run over and sit on his lap and he'd be stroking her hair.

'You Don't Have to Love Your Stepchildren,' Says An Expert, 'Just Be a Good Parent'

It was an 'I-want-to-be-there' feeling I experienced - a jealousy of his relationship and shared experience with her. Patricia, 48, and a teacher living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference.

bad relationship with stepchildren

I felt he was trying to push too fast for things to be rosy, for me and his son to be close, and I had to be honest with him. I think he's accepted my feelings but it's not easy for him knowing how I feel about someone he adores.

It took a lot of talking to get to the roots of why we feel how we do.