ADHD and Relationships: How to Make it Work
ADHD impacts your romantic relationships - it's a fact. Worst of all, you are stressed about being saddled with the household responsibilities while your partner. While ADHD can ruin relationships, the good news is that both partners are not If the “ADHD partner doesn't have their symptoms under control enough to be. All relationships present challenges at some point in time. “Perhaps the biggest problem is the ADHD partner who seems to be here today.
While the adult with ADHD in the relationship is at risk of feeling micromanaged and overwhelmed with criticism, the non-ADHD partner might feel disconnected, lonely, or underappreciated.
More often than not, the behaviors on the surface i. This chronic pattern of micromanaging and underachievement can result in feelings of shame and insecurity for the ADHD partner. It also increases the risk of depression. When couples work to improve communication skills, they can restore balance to the relationship. Try these strategies to communicate effectively with your partner: Sharing your struggles helps your partner understand how ADHD impacts your behavior Hold eye contact when listening For long conversations, consider a fidget toy like a squeeze ball to keep your mind engaged Focus on teamwork.
To create balance in a relationship, two partners have to work together. Divide tasks based on strengths. If ADHD interferes with your ability to pay bills on time or manage money, ask your partner to handle that task.
How the non-ADHD partner reacts to the distractibility can spark a negative cycle: With good intentions, the non-ADHD partner starts taking care of more things to make the relationship easier. And not surprisingly, the more responsibilities the partner has, the more stressed and overwhelmed — and resentful — they become.
Over time, they take on the role of parent, and the ADHD partner becomes the child. While the ADHD partner may be willing to help out, symptoms, such as forgetfulness and distractibility, get in the way. Knowing how ADHD manifests in adults helps you know what to expect.
Together you might brainstorm strategies to minimize distractibility instead of yelling at your partner. Orlov likens optimal treatment for ADHD to a three-legged stool. The first two steps are relevant for everyone with ADHD; the last is for people in relationships.
Remember it takes two to tango. Regardless of who has ADHD, both partners are responsible for working on the relationship, Orlov emphasized. Say a couple is struggling with a parent-child dynamic.
A way to overcome this obstacle, according to Orlov, is for the non-ADHD partner to give away some of the responsibilities. It requires a specific process that involves assessing the strengths of each partner, making sure the ADHD partner has the skills which they can learn from a therapist, coach, support groups or books and putting external structures in place, Orlov said.
Adult ADHD and Relationships
External structural cues are key for people with ADHD and, again, make up another part of treatment. You can build a healthier, happier partnership by learning about the role ADHD plays in your relationship and how both of you can choose more positive and productive ways to respond to challenges and communicate with each other. While the distractibility, disorganization, and impulsivity of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ADHD or ADD can cause problems in many areas of adult life, these symptoms can be particularly damaging when it comes to your closest relationships.
No matter what you do, nothing seems to please your spouse or partner. You wish your significant other could relax even a little bit and stop trying to control every aspect of your life.
ADHD’s Impact on Relationships: 10 Tips to Help
You wonder what happened to the person you fell in love with. The non-ADHD partner complains, nags, and becomes increasingly resentful while the ADHD partner, feeling judged and misunderstood, gets defensive and pulls away.
In the end, nobody is happy. You can find new ways to face the challenges of ADHD and improve how you communicate, adding greater understanding to your relationship and bringing you closer together. Once you are able to identify how the symptoms are ADHD are influencing your interactions as a couple, you can learn better ways of responding. For the partner with ADHD, this means learning how to manage your symptoms. For the non-ADHD partner, this means learning how to react to frustrations in ways that encourage and motivate your partner.
ADHD's Impact on Relationships: 10 Tips to Help
If you have ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued. Even when someone with ADHD is paying attention, they may later forget what was promised or discussed. This can lead to difficulty finishing tasks as well as general household chaos.
If you have ADHD, you may blurt things out without thinking, which can cause hurt feelings.
Many people with ADHD have trouble moderating their emotions. You may lose your temper easily and have trouble discussing issues calmly. Your partner may feel like they have to walk on eggshells to avoid blowups.
You and your partner are more different than you think—especially if only one of you has ADHD. Let your partner describe how they feel without interruption from you to explain or defend yourself. You may want to write the points down so you can reflect on them later. Ask them to do the same for you and really listen with fresh ears and an open mind.
The more both of you learn about ADHD and its symptoms, the easier it will be to see how it is influencing your relationship. You may find that a light bulb comes on. So many of your issues as a couple finally make sense!