Falling in Love with an Ugly Man | MadameNoire
I've always dated ugly guys. often builds between the Pretty and the Ugly, I've decided that being a selfless humanitarian is just overrated. Make a list all the things that you find unattractive about the person. They may not want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel immediately. Are you unsure about dating someone you're not totally attracted to? Ending the relationship seems sad, but staying in it seems unsatisfying. Thank you for being brave enough to write me about this, Superficial Sam.
Honestly at this point I don't know what to do. Ending the relationship seems sad, but staying in it seems unsatisfying. What should I do? Our society judges people pretty harshly for speaking frankly about physical beauty and its role in relationships. But I think your concern is totally valid.
Whatever nasty comments you get about your letter, I don't endorse them. We live in a time where we get a really unworkable, contradictory set of messages about attractiveness. On the one hand, we're immersed in fables that tell us that we should look past physical beauty: Beauty and the Beast, the tale of the Ugly Duckling, and so on.
We're told that the soul and the body are two different things, and that the former is much more important. But on the other hand, we're blasted with an incredible number of images of immaculately beautiful specimens of humanity in a lot of different formats: Yoga instructors with butts that defy all explanation, wearing tight pants that hide zero anatomy, tell us to look beyond material pleasures for enlightenment.
And the messy truth, of course, is somewhere in between these two poles.
I'm Pretty. Should I Date Someone Ugly?
Looks and personality are not totally unrelated — they influence each other. And they both matter. And only you, finally, can choose how much. It doesn't matter if you're an incredible fit in terms of personality.
Both of you will become very unhappy if your dick's just not invested in this relationship at all. If you feel bad for being a shallow pig, it might help you to remember that we're all shallow pigs.
Better for both of you for you to be honest about that now than to dishonestly drag out a relationship that just won't work, wasting time both of you could be spending finding a better fit. But that's not what I'm hearing. What I'm hearing is that she's, well, sort of attractive enough for you. When you're in bed, everything goes swimmingly, but you're not always completely enticed by her face in the mornings.
She's got a few lovely angles but also a few unlovely ones. Rather than being gorgeous, she's cute enough. Which is fine for you most of the time. But there's this gross itchy feeling deep down, like you think you deserve a total dime-piece stunner and you're going to die unhappy if you aren't dating one.
Or like you don't totally enjoy showing her off — we all know that proudly displaying our partner is a great feeling.
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You've also dated hotter people, and you know that there's a certain testosterone tug that just isn't there in this relationship, nice as it is. It's a tough situation. There are no clear answers here. And if you're really unsatisfied, I wouldn't blame you for ending things. But you shouldn't make this decision rashly. Specifically, think about the transitory, troublesome nature of hotness.
Since you've dated hot people before, you might have noticed something: It's not their fault. The lives of gorgeous people, specifically gorgeous women, are filled with psychological nonsense. Regardless of gender, centerfold-beauty types are showered by an inordinate amount of affection.
People can't act normal around them — from spouting off ridiculous nonsense to walking into stationary objects while staring at them. Moreover, given that everyone lavishes praise on their beauty all the time, it can become hard for them to remember if they have any other worth as a human.
And all of that attention is intoxicating, even if they hate it. So it's only natural that they'd end up with an odd combination of insecurity, exhibitionism, guardedness, and neediness.
That's just the natural reaction. But that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with — either for the super-hot, or for the people dating them. If you think back to the last time nothing mattered, did you ever say to yourself 'oh, Guraraghi Vinkaghi is winning all those science competitions, let me snag him' -- or 'oh, Matt will surely leave me for a younger woman, he has washboard abs, a perfect smile, and spiky yet cool hair'.
Although you might have asked yourself 'why aren't I dating my male best friend who is a great dancer, fabulous dresser, and cohort to late night lip synching? The point is this: Ugly doesn't mean stability, security, or even monogamy. Ugly just means Ugly.
So why not date Hot?
Although I suppose if what you really want is Rich, then this article really won't serve you well. You probably have to go shopping right about now. I know it's the right thing to want. For this past weekend I attended a wedding by myself and actually didn't want to kill myself.
Although the wedding did force me into thinking about my dating past and witness everyone else's choices, I found myself happily gnawing on cocktail hour, waiting for Hot to arrive. And just then, somewhere between choking on a shrimp tail and my fourteenth cosmopolitan, I spotted my former life: Not because I'd never seen a beast so ugly or a beauty so beautiful I mean come onbut because I saw their future flash right before my eyes; a future I know all too well: I wanted to warn her.
I wanted to scream from the ice sculpture "Stop! Financial security and stability is NOT the stuff good relationships are built on!
How to Date Someone You Aren't Attracted To (with Pictures)
I couldn't help but notice how many ugly guys surrounded me. Oh how I would never feign a future with any of them! And as the night progressed, I thought, wow, there's nothing worse than an ugly guy who can't dance -- I'd never seen so many unwarranted arm thrusts and head bobs.
I felt as though a crime had been committed by my having to bear witness to that. And then I saw him. The one guy who could dance. When a guy can dance, it's just Hot.