This Is How You Break Up With A Narcissist – For Good | Thought Catalog
If you are in a relationship with a person who is incapable of considering your feelings, denies you their personal thoughts, or is hypersensitive. The victim might start blaming himself for trusting such a person in the first place, Why do children of narcissists end up in relationships with narcissists?. If you're ending a relationship with a narcissistic partner, be prepared for any of these narcissistic behaviors.
You start by reconnecting with the reality of the abuse and the abuser. Speak to a trauma-informed counselor who knows about the dynamics of abuse, can help you identify abuse tactics and discuss your various options for coping and detaching from the abusive person safely.
Enlisting the help of both trauma counselor and a coach who understands narcissistic abuse can be a dynamic duo to help you get back on your feet and wake up more fully to the reality of the situation. Although some people are able to leave the narcissist right away, not all are in the position to do so. Sometimes the best strategy is not to clue them into your inevitable departure; act as if you are busy with other projects or are preoccupied with something else if they seem to get suspicious.
3 Common Breakup Tactics of an Abusive Narcissist
Use the Grey Rock Method to seem emotionally unreactive when they try to provoke you; this can help to get them off your back momentarily. In the meantime, if you happen to be cohabitating or married to the narcissist, get your finances together, seek the support of a lawyer well-versed in high-conflict divorces, and start to build your coping resources to rebuild your sense of independence.
This could range from visiting your local domestic violence shelter to finding local communities such as meditation or yoga centers. In order to resist hoovering attempts, you have to stick to as little contact as possible based on your specific situation. For more tips on going No Contact, see here. I am here to tell you that this is not true, although it may seem like it is.
Everything from Facebook groups to online forums to personalized Skype coaching is available nowadays. In some cities, there are even local Meetup groups that have formed on the topic of narcissistic abuse. There is someone out there who may not be in your exact situation but has felt what you felt. Many survivor communities are filled with empathic people who are looking for help just like you.
Closing their inner truths and feelings has left them isolated and vacant. Typically, the trauma occurred at an early age and the devastated child continues to be locked up inside them.
There are many different degrees of narcissistic personality disorder, and not everyone is in the extreme end of the spectrum. However, the reluctance to discuss their inner personal feelings or true emotions is a common trend in narcissism. Your trips to see your family and friends may shorten and become farther apart in time.
How to Break Up With a Narcissist
You may give up your finances to keep the peace, or maybe you feel like a stranger redecorated your house because there is nothing of you in it. Although it is disturbing, it may be better than the continuous "bad mood" and incessant bickering of your partner if you don't comply. Eventually, the narcissist may have taken over your life and you feel as though you have become helpless without him. Treating the Narcissistic Behavior as Normal As a good person, you may believe that eventually the narcissist will come around and love you back with the same compassion that you provide them.
The idea of give and take in a relationship is a valued component of a love match that the narcissist is not capable of in the long term. If they promise not to treat you as they have in the past, they cannot not sustain the facade for very long.
They Know how to Push the Buttons It is common to leave a narcissist spouse or partner several times before the final breakup. They know what you want to hear and will promise to become the person that will treat you better, not abuse you, not lie to you, not control you, be more flexible, give you your space, trust you, etc.
But a true narcissist cannot sustain those ideals and eventually return to their former behavior.
Narcissists Keep Returning to Win you Back A narcissistic spouse will ask you to come back at intervals and will lie and promise anything if you to return. When you agree to "loving them" you feed the narcissistic supply of admiration and adoration in your narcissistic spouse. Usually, just when you feel you are healing and ready to move on, the narcissist returns with gifts and promises of showing you how they love you.
Eventually, you find that nothing has changed in the relationship. Join Codependents Anonymous for Support and Assistance Welcome to Co-Dependents Anonymous, a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. How to Leave a Narcissist Understanding the behavior of the person you are dealing with is essential to the knowledge that you cannot change them.
3 Breakup Tactics of People With Narcissistic Behavior
Their behavior is a mind set that is unaffected by your actions, intentions or offering of love. Narcissists can get help in therapy, and many have, but the nature of the disorder is a major barrier into the insight of their own behavior--and they frequently don't believe they need help. Regain your self-confidence and self love.
It is paramount that you regain your own sense of self worth and reject people that abuse, control or lie to you in your life. It is self preservation and a birth right to all of us. Leave the relationship in a safe manner. If you feel threatened by your spouse, enlist friends or family to assist you in your exit. Always be safe, and be smart.
Find a friend to confide in. You may feel you have lost your support system due to the relationship demands of a narcissistic spouse, but chances are you have not.