What Do We Do Now? When Stepsiblings Have Sex | Smart Stepfamilies
Sexuality—between step-siblings—is very rare. on phones or eventually heard the school gossip about their children's secret relationships. I know it is incest to have sex with a brother or sister, but what if it is a. stepbrothers and sisters have gotten married and had relationships. My friend's brother married his step sister. Sounds weird. But their parents got married in the same year as they did. So it wasn't like they grew.
However, non-sexual touches can take on sexual implications, especially for teens whose psychological boundaries are not strong. This occurs for a number of reasons. First, before the wedding children watch as their parent goes through a period of dating and developing romance.
Children may coach their parent on how to act, talk, or what perfume to wear on a date. In addition, a child is often witness to the increasing physical affections and touches that couples share as romance deepens.
One father shared how this impacted his children. But romance doesn't stop there. A second reason for a sexually charged environment is what happens after the wedding. The first year of marriage is frequently speckled with romantic gestures and snuggling on the couch before bedtime. All of which communicates the message that "sexuality is alive and well in this household. Our society is obsessed with sex. It pervades the movies, music, and conversation of the average adolescent.
If parents begin early to discuss God's design for our bodies and sexuality, important conversations with confused adolescents will be easier. But whether easy or difficult, such conversations must take place. These are just some of the dynamics that may contribute to romantic or sexual boundaries being crossed in a stepfamily. Set boundaries rules governing behavior that teach family members to honor one another. Respecting privacy and valuing the specialness of each family member is an important message for everyone to learn.
It may feel totally unnecessary, but consider having a dress code.
- A moment of passion with my step-brother split our family for ever
Teenagers, in particular, can overlook how their dress invites others to see them in sexual ways, or consider them a symbol of sexuality. Girls, for example, who sleep in their underwear and a long T-shirt may be comfortable walking around the house dressed for bed.
Little do some girls realize how that arouses a natural curiosity within boys about their body shape. Boys can easily entertain thoughts that cross from non-sexual curiosities to sexual ones. To counter this possibility, set a dress code and explain why it is necessary. Help your children work out a respectful system for shower schedules and sharing bathrooms.
What Do We Do Now? When Stepsiblings Have Sex
Children and teens that have known each other for years, but never have lived together full time, need clear rules of conduct.
If you perceive a child withdrawing or showing signs of stress, calmly approach the child to investigate the situation. Error on the side of caution. Setting rules that honor sexuality and privacy is sure to create opportunities for adults to speak with children and teens about sexuality. Take advantage of such opportunities to teach God's purpose for sexuality and the protection his statues provide. The message is this: Healthy sexuality between two married people helps build their relationship to each other and God.
Sexuality outside God's boundaries erodes relationships and creates a sin barrier between God and us. Unfortunately some parents rely on scare tactics to encourage sexual purity before marriage.
In an effort to keep their children from having sexual thoughts or urges, they scare them with the consequences of premarital sex. I believe we should be honest with children and teens about the potential emotional and physical consequences of premarital sex.
However, the scare method doesn't present sex as a gift from God to be honored. It turns it into a curse to be avoided.
When children grow to be married adults, switching the messages in their brain to see sex as something to be embraced and pursued is often difficult. It is much better for parents to teach sex as a gift to be protected and honored. God's law that sex is kept until marriage is meant to protect us from harm and provide for our sexual pleasure in marriage.
We can teach our children to protect one another's honor and their own so that the gift of sexuality can be enjoyed later in its proper marital context. Having healthy and honest conversations about the sexual truths of life normalizes them for children.
Is sex with a step-sibling incest?? - The Student Room
For example, explaining menstruation to a pre-adolescent girl or wet dreams to a boy before they occur prepares the child for the onset of such experiences. Preparing and normalizing such experiences is important because, in addition to teaching children proper hygiene, it gives the child a God-perspective on the event "You're becoming a woman!
In the same way, acknowledging that sexual attractions between stepsiblings can occur normalizes them for the child. This is not to give permission to them, but to teach a proper perspective.
A moment of passion with my step-brother split our family for ever
The alternative is to say nothing and leave the child to determine the meaning of such an attraction not a good ideaor to give negative messages that needlessly shame children "How could you think something like that about her? Instead, a parent might say something like this to his son: If that ever happens to you, it doesn't mean you are bad or a disappointment to God.
There will be lots of times in life that you have sexual thoughts or feelings toward other people, but it would be inappropriate for you to act on them or keep thinking about the person in that way. So if it happens, ask God to help you to stop thinking about your stepsibling in that way. And make sure you don't dishonor the other person by acting on the attraction or thoughts.
If the thoughts keep happening and you get concerned about it, feel free to talk to me. I won't be angry. We'll find a way to handle it.
The last section dealt with prevention. What do you do if stepsiblings have already been romantically or sexually involved with one another? Here are some suggestions to consider.
Each parent should take primary responsibility for their child. You will need to have many discussions with your children about what happened, how it happened, what they are feeling toward one another, and how you will manage the relationship in the future. I giggled, wriggled free and tried to pretend nothing had happened. Richard and I never took it any further, and two days after our incident, he sent a letter apologising for overstepping the mark.
Our parents are still together several decades on and Richard and I are both married to other people. But that awkwardness has ended up turning into long-term hostility which split my family.
Yet these young people will not have developed the natural aversion that full siblings form when they are raised together from early childhood, known as the Westermark Effect. Confronted with what often comes naturally to young people at a sexually charged time of life, few families will know how to tackle it. After all, there is no Brady Bunch episode in which Greg confesses to his complicated feelings for Marcia. He was a year older, good-looking, with a veneer of public school charm — and best of all, he seemed to be interested in me.
So did I flirt back when we had water fights in the garden and I did giggle too much at his jokes? It felt safe because in the eyes of the law, we were soon to be brother and sister. Then a few days after he arrived, we went into town. As we walked up a quiet side street, he stopped me, and playfully pressed me against a wall. It was clear a line was about to be crossed, so I swerved to avoid it. Before he left, he pushed the letter under my bedroom door.