5 Ways to Build a Strong Mom-Daughter Bond - iMom
We all know the joke -- take my mother in-law -- please!! Unfortunately, everyone suffers in these situations. In most cases there are at least three, and often more. Over a year ago, we began blogging about our mother-daughter relationship through My Mother, My Daughter, My Friend. And, as satisfying as that is, developing a more grown-up relationship with your mother doesn't mean that you lose your childhood bond with.
Once she sees you as a forever piece of the family, it may be harder to swallow for many reasons. Below I list tips to overcome common problems with your MIL, and how to reach within yourself to contribute to positive progress in your relationship.
Keep things light and fun with your Mother-in-law and remember to not be so easily offended. Work on Proving Yourself Loyal If you are newly married into a family, you must make the time and effort over a long period of time to prove that you are in this for the long haul, that you are willing to be reasonable and flexible, and that you will do your part in the family to contribute to happiness and well-being.
Every family is different, but you will have to know your place as you prove yourself. You are now your husbands 1 woman, but it is not your place to teach your MIL life lessons by snarkily informing her of this hurtful fact. The love a woman feels for her son is overwhelmingly strong, and throughout life they remember kissing little boo-boos, cuddling, breastfeeding, discipline, and every other cute moment that occurred.
Suddenly, a woman that does things differently comes into the picture and MILs feel threatened. The best thing you can do during these times is contrary to logic: She will grow in respect as she sees that you are a stable, consistent, and unfazed person in the face of her emotional outpourings. She will feel silly and learn valuable lessons. Which brings me to my second point… 2.
The love both of you feel for your husband is the reason all of this conflict comes about in the first place, and he is the perfect person to smooth those ruffled feathers. Hopefully, your husband knows that you are now first. If not, that is the first conversation you need to have. He needs to be able to kindly and lovingly defend you to his mother. It may not have been eloquent, but it was a very clear message to Mom: You, the wife, cannot amply defend yourself.
It will come off wrong and lead to more problems. Just smile and nod and explain when needed, and be patient. Once you prove yourself point 1 things will start going smoother.
It Is Not a Competition There is nothing to win, nothing to fight about. Two women do things differently, one is upset about the way the other acts, the other is frustrated that she is not wholeheartedly accepted.
Both of you must bend and yield and give a little in order for things to work. You cannot control what she does, but you can control what you do. Compliment her when she does well, looks nice, or has a good idea.
Thank her when she does something. Lay down everything inside your flesh that tempts you to retaliate or fight, and realize it is not a competition. Two women love one man, and both women have already won. One of them is his permanent mother, the other is his forever spouse. The prize has already been handed out. It may take her longer to realize this, but you have got to stick it out.
If she is mentally stable, she will come around, and it will not happen overnight.
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Year after year you will see things getting better and better if you remain kind, patient, and calm. Stop Being so Sensitive If you are offended by everything and get your feelings hurt all the time, newsflash: If you want to succeed in this world in these times, you have got to have a thicker skin.
It actually is possible to let things roll off and not obsess over them. It also is possible to keep your mouth shut when you are hurt and confront the person directly who hurt you rather than going around and making things worse by talking bad about people.
Do you take offense and get your feelings hurt, pout, walk to the other room, and start texting all your friends about how awful she is? Be willing to accept criticism when it is due, and even if it is not in the nicest language. If you pout and text after every little thing she does, you will seem whiny to your friends, and she will be aware of you talking bad about her when she comes in contact either in person or via social media with the people you have texted.
That coldness is very readable. Be an active listener.
How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Mother-in-Law | WeHaveKids
They realize conflict is inevitable and they deal with it head on. This applies to mother and daughter relationships, too, she said. Not resolving conflict can have surprising consequences.Healing the Mother Daughter Relationship
But pick your battles. Instead of arguing about something so small, Mintle put the hat on and moved on. Put yourself in her shoes. But a panoramic lens provides a much wider view, letting us see the object in a larger context. Mintle views forgiveness as key for well-being. Balance individuality and closeness. It can be challenging for daughters to build their own identities. Sometimes daughters think that in order to become their own person, they must cut off from their moms, Mintle said.
Both are clearly problematic. But daughters can find their voices and identities within the relationship. We learn how to deal with conflict and negative emotions through our families, Mintle said. Mintle and her mom had a positive relationship but sometimes struggled with this balance. When Mintle was a well-established professional in her 30s, her mom would still tell her what to do.
- How to improve your relationship with your mom
- 5 Ways to Build a Strong Mom-Daughter Bond
- How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Mother-in-Law
Then, she realized that she had to talk to her mom in a different way. The next night her mom said the same thing, Mintle used humor: Moms and daughters disagree on many topics, such as marriage, parenting and career, and they usually try to convince the other to change those opinions, Cohen-Sandler said.
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Moms feel threatened and rejected that their daughters are making different decisions. Daughters think their moms disapprove of them and get defensive. Stick to the present. It becomes their default disagreement. Talk about how you want to communicate. But if you want to reach me during the day [with something] more urgent, just text me. One way to ease into reconnecting with your mom or daughter is by setting clear-cut boundaries.