What It’s Like to Be a ‘High-Functioning’ Borderline | The Mighty
Borderline Personality Disorder. When you meet me, you would never know I have a mental health condition. The first inkling might be the numerous self-harm scars on my right arm, but even then they’re faded and old — they could be from years ago. Are there higher functioning borderlines? Could he It sounds like a very tricky relationship and personality disorders usually do come out in. Unstable interpersonal relationships are a hallmark of borderline personality disorder. . “A lot of the time they're actually very high-functioning.
I push the person so far away and then suffer massive fears of being abandoned. They leave, I beg them to come back.
I cry myself sick. I cry like a child. I just keep crying. At times like this it is impossible to think about anything else. I lose sight of all the positives in my life and rumination takes over. This can last for hours or days. I take to my bed.
I cancel friend dates and tell them I have a virus, a cold, a migraineanything but the truth, that I am struggling once again with my own inner demons. I suffer from suicide ideation and have to remind myself my girls need me.
My whole world goes from rosy to shadowed — it is like a technicolor film reverts to black and white. It costs me to shower. I swing between childlike sobbing and raging anger.
Any little thing can set me off and I mean any little thing such as the WiFi breaking down, my phone losing battery, the cat scratching at the couch. I never hurt anyone else physically outside of the boxing ring — I finally have that part of me under control — neither would I class myself as a self-harmer, but last week my eldest daughter had to stop me from hurting myself.
Is my husband a high functioning borderline?
At least I can work and earn good money and go to the gym and take my place in society. I am blessed in these respects. What is difficult though is that I have to hide who I am, lie about the dark times and feel like a fraud for all those people I have helped and inspired. I lose sight of my goals.
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I get so far towards them then fall back and the goal post moves yet again. I used to think BPD was curable. Thankfully, I have an understanding network of friends and loving daughters.
Without them, I doubt I would be so highly functioning. I have written this because I know there are others like me and I reach out as much to them for support as to offer it.
BPD is a painful condition. It is hard to understand but I will never give up this fight. Whether you are a family member, friend, or partner to someone with borderline personality disordermaintaining a healthy relationship can be challenging.
In fact, there may be moments when you wonder if you want to maintain a relationship. They are not maliciously trying to hurt you. The symptoms of borderline personality disorder arise from deep psychological distress compounded by a lack of emotional resources to cope with overwhelming emotions. Sometimes, the roots of that distress are located in early experiences of traumawhich disrupt the ability to form secure attachments and a cohesive sense of self. You may feel as if you are speaking past your loved one, or that your words and acts are not registering in the way you intend.
In fact, that is exactly what is happening. In order to have a healthy relationship, you must learn to cope with this disconnect between realities. Instead, learn how to validate their feelings and acknowledge the realness of their experiences. Validation is a core ingredient to loving someone with borderline personality disorder. So what exactly does it entail? In a way, they are in the midst of grieving a loss that feels every bit as real to them as if you had indeed rejected them.
By allowing them to feel their feelings and bearing witness to their pain without judgment, you are showing them love while avoiding a fruitless conflict.
Acknowledge the full humanity of your loved one, reflect on what they are telling you, and admit mistakes if you make them. Make Room for Yourself Often, the person with borderline personality disorder can become the central focal point in a relationship and it can feel as if there is little room left for you.
Make sure that you are an active participant in your relationship. Express your own feelings, needs, and thoughts. Share your stories, your struggles, and your joys; after all, while your loved one may struggle with BPD, they also love, value, and want to know you.
An authentic relationship can only happen when both participants contribute to create a meaningful social bond. Allow yourself and your loved one the opportunity to do that. Call for a Free Confidential Assessment. Residential Treatment Can Provide Relief Email Us Stop Rescuing In the popular imagination, people with borderline personality disorder can sometimes be perceived as fragile creatures who are unable to care for themselves.
The emotional vulnerability of people with BPD can make it easy to believe that they need rescuing, especially in moments of perceived crisis. You may jump into the role out of love, out of fear, or both. In turn, your loved one may come to see your rescuing as proof of your love, temporarily quelling their fear of abandonment while growing more and more dependent on you.
Meanwhile, you may begin to gain your sense of identity and worth from your role as the rescuer; it can feel good to be needed. This dynamic, while it may seem comforting for a time, is ultimately destructive for both of you, in part because getting your validation, worth, and proof of love from rescuing or being rescued means there must always be something to be rescued from.