Tyrannical relationship

Tyrant - Wikipedia

tyrannical relationship

A solidary relationship can be said to be in place when two or more people: (1) have a Tyrannical relationships are also constructed by two or more people. I've unlocked the key to working with romantic relationship in an empowered way and it's totally changing my experience. No longer am I. You may create unrealistic expectations and irrational demands on the relationship. To prove his or her power, this tyrannical adult may overpower the.

We yield to their tantrums. Fear can easily lead to primal thinkingtunnel vision, and panic. But courage can overcome our fears and with careful and creative planning we can confront the tyrant. Slaves endured the oppression and humiliation of slavery for many years. It was not acceptance, but merely survival until they could work toward better treatment. Tyrants often come and go, perhaps you can wait this one out.

Understand their Point of View: Perhaps the tyrant really does have it right. See if this helps to make his actions and motives more clear. Even tyrants deserve our empathy. Perhaps adopting his viewpoint will allow you to see alternative solutions, or at least cope better. If you don't like it, change it. If you can't change it, leave. Acknowledge the oppression, understand the tyrant, consider your alternatives, and choose your battles carefully.

Decide what you choose to change and what you choose to avoid. If this is just not a situation where you have the strength, interest, resources, or will to change now, you may decide to disengage and live to fight another day. If your boss is a tyrant arrange for a reassignment or leave the organization. Although the typical reaction is to cower in response to the tyrant's threats, there is a more elevated and enlightened viewpoint.

If we recognize the many fallacies tyrants rely on, and recognize tyrants as the lonely and childish school-yard bullies they are we can avoid being controlled by them. Spoiled brats do not deserve the attention they demand. Uncover, dispel, and shatter the myth. This viewpoint recognizes these powerful truths: Dignity is intrinsic to every human.

It does not have to be earned, it cannot be granted, and it cannot be taken away. The tyrant can neither strip you of your dignity nor can he provide you with dignity. We all share a long list of intrinsic similarities. You remain a worthy human being regardless of what the tyrant does.

It is your own choice, your own asset, do not squander it. The oppressed are no less worthy than the powerful. The tyrant's freedom ends where yours begins. When the tyrant's will infringes on your autonomy, a negotiation is required to resolve the conflict.

The situation is symmetricalyou each have rights, boundariesand limits. Seek shared values to provide principles that can help transcend or decide the conflict. Create alternatives that eliminate the conflict and make it unnecessary. Identify trespassmake it visible, and do not tolerate it.

First person viewpoint is the fundamental asymmetry of humanity. The tyrant is seduced by his own narrow viewpoint. He considers only what he sees and he experiences that clearly, uniquely, and powerfully. His point of view is not moderated by healthy and respectful relationships with people who have alternative viewpoints. Perhaps he is unaware, or intolerant of diverse or conflicting viewpoints.

He may fear skepticism and inquiry. He does not welcome criticism or differing points of view. He may not even be aware of any alternative viewpoints. Perhaps he is uncomfortable with complexity. But his is only one out of the six-billion valid viewpoints on this planet. Your own point of view is equally valid. Find a forum, express your views, and begin the dialogue. The storyteller provides only one viewpoint—it is inherently selective and biased.

Go tell your story—it is equally valid and important. Hate can only be sustained by cognitive error. The tyrant works to control or eliminate something or someone he sees as the obstacle to his goals.

He has named the evil other, he hates it, and it must be destroyed. But choosing to hate is an ineffective shortcut that avoids the hard work of analyzing the problem in depth.

Hating attributes blame incorrectly; it misallocates right and wrong. To defuse the hate, assess the situation from another perspective, analyze the problem in more depth, identify the real causes, eliminate the errors in thinkingand move forward with an effective solution.

History judges tyrants harshly. Joseph Stalin's crash programs of industrialization and collectivization in the s, along with his ongoing campaigns of political repression, are estimated to have cost the lives of millions of people. Saddam Hussein was convicted of charges related to the executions of Iraqi Shiites suspected of planning an assassination attempt against him, and was sentenced to death by hanging.

Saddam was executed on December 30, Many of Mao Tse Tung's policies and socio-political programs such as the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution are blamed by critics for causing severe damage to the culture, society, economy, and foreign relations of China, as well as an estimated 40 million or more lost lives. Their glory is short lived, their disgrace lasts forever.

It won't be long before the tide turns against the tyrant.

The tyranny of marriage | Lara Pawson | Opinion | The Guardian

Might does not make right. Quite the opposite is true; when evidence is available then influence alone can make the point and change behavior without having to rely on coercion. If your views are correct, they do not need an aggressive defense; if they are incorrect they do not deserve it.

If President Richard Nixon believed he was the better candidate, then why was the Watergate break-in necessary? If Catholic priests did not molest children, then the Vatican would not have written a secret document, the Crimen sollicitationis, directing the use of pontifical secrecy to cover up the cases.

Beginning inSenator Joseph McCarthy became noted for making unsubstantiated claims that there were large numbers of Communists and Soviet spies and sympathizers inside the United States government. It is difficult to estimate the number of victims of his false accusations. The number imprisoned is in the hundreds, and some ten or twelve thousand lost their jobs.

Ultimately, his tactics led to his being discredited and censured by the United States Senate. Because their views go unchallenged, powerful self-centered people often get it very wrong.

If the tyrant really does have a better idea, let that idea gain acceptance on its own merits. Good ideas speak for themselves. The need to use force is evidence of a weak idea. Humor provides a new perspective.

Be very careful when using humor to disarm power. Respond in a friendly but disarming way that makes light of the tyrant's abusive tactics. Highlight the fallacies in the tyrant's goals and tactics, but carefully avoid humiliating the tyrant. The best leaders are the best servants. Leadership is not about controlling people; it's about caring for people and being a useful resource for people.

The best leaders help people work together and do their best to achieve an important goal. Their actions focus on accomplishing as a team much more than any one person could accomplish alone. Leadership is about helping people attain the goal, not about aggrandizing the leader. Tyrants don't serve and servants don't control.

Tyrants are not leaders, and any contrary myths need to be exposed as false. Scapegoats are chosen as convenient proxies. They are easy targets chosen to accept blamedisplace responsibility for problems from where it truly belongs, and to distract attention from the actual problems. Tyrants identify scapegoats to distract attention from their own misdeeds. The scapegoat is not the problem, don't be distracted, look elsewhere for the real cause. Analyze cause and effect more carefully, avoid the fallacy of disproportionate responsibilitydetermine more accurately where responsibly actually belongs.

Draw attention away from the scapegoat and toward the real problem. Courage can overcome fear. The tyrant uses fear to keep us from seeing alternatives. In the face of his intimidation we typically freezeflee, become anger locked, or submit to his demands. But if we can focus, summon our couragerelax, comprehend the situation, and develop alternatives, we can create options for moving forward constructively.

On December 1,Rosa Parks became famous for refusing to obey bus driver James Blake's order that she give up her seat. This action of civil disobedience started the Montgomery Bus Boycott, which is one of the largest movements against racial segregation. In addition, this launched Martin Luther King, Jr. She has had a lasting legacy worldwide. During the Tiananmen Square protests of an unarmed man stood in the center of the street, halting the tanks' progress.

You have caused nothing but misery. He continued to stand defiantly in front of the tanks for some time, then climbed up onto the turret of the lead tank to speak to the soldiers inside.

After returning to his position blocking the tanks, the man was pulled aside by onlookers who perhaps feared he would be shot or run over. Tyrants are often unprepared for truly courageous and well-planned responses.

Human needs are simple and largely non-material. Although autonomy is a human needsteak for dinner is not. In choosing to endure tyrant's abuse you may be choosing to buy a steak dinner at the cost of your autonomy. This is usually a bad deal. Choose simplicity over oppression. There are always alternatives. Reject the obvious alternatives, create new options, and find another way. Dialogue creates solutions that other forms of communication jealously hide.

If you can't think of alternatives and feel there is no way out then talk to more people and generate more ideas. No one is powerless. We each have our own sources of power. The boss depends on the secretary, the doctor depends on nurses and patients, and the manager depends on the workers.

Mahatma Gandhi was the skinny little brown man who summoned the power to free India from British colonial rule. Find your source of strength and apply it to the problem at hand. Don't play the victim, you always have choices. Speak up and speak out about what you want and expect from the relationship.

tyrannical relationship

End the trespassing and assert your right to dignity, respect, and freedom. Describe the actual, unfair, and unwanted asymmetry of the relationship, how it makes you feel, why it is unfair, and then describe the fair and symmetrical relationship you expect.

Say what you mean, but don't be mean. Don't insult, humiliateor threaten the control freak. Confront the control freak, and plan how to expose and disarm the tyrant.

Helplessness can be learned and unlearned. Oppression teaches you to become passive and stop trying to help yourself. But you can reassess your options and decide to take action to end the oppression. Everyone, even the tyrant, is vulnerable. Study the tyrant to find out his weaknesses. Apply your strength where he is most weak.

Calmly describe how natural forces resisting the tyrant will eventually defeat his efforts. It is possible to speak truth to power. Don't be distracted or intimidated by the tyrant's positional power, reputation, physical appearance; wincing, bellowing, or rolling eyes; physical surroundings, or other attempts to emphasize a disparity in power and importance. Do not tolerate ego rants. Do your homework, get the facts right, and present your case clearly, calmly, and persuasively.

tyrannical relationship

You can challenge an authority by respectfully asking: Honor killings refer to the murder by family members of a woman who is raped or is said to have participated in illicit sexual activity. The mere perception that a woman has behaved in a way that is considered as dishonoring her family is sufficient to trigger an attack on her life. Across the globe, women who are beaten, brutalized, and raped can expect police, prosecutors, and judges to humiliate victims, fail to investigate cases, and dismiss charges.

Honor killings accounted for one-third of the murders of women in Jordan in She wrote a series of reports on the killings and launched a campaign to stop them. As a result, she has been threatened and accused of being anti-Islam, antifamily, and anti-Jordan. Yet, Queen Noor took up the cause, and later, the newly ascended King Hassan cited the need for protection of women in his opening address to parliament.

The conspiracy of silence has been forever broken thanks to this courageous young journalist who risks her life in the firm belief that exposing the truth about honor killings and other forms of violence against women is the first step to stopping them. The tools of influence are symmetrical. The techniques the powerful use to influence the oppressed can also be adapted by the oppressed to influence the powerful.

Extremists discount, dismiss, distortdispute, or deflect important evidence. But facts are stubborn. As the facts become more widely known and understood, the unreasonableness of the tyrant's position becomes more clear to more people. His support eventually dwindles as more people recognize the emperor has no clothes. There is tremendous power in alliances.

None of us are as smart or powerful as all of us. As the scope of the tyrant's impact increases, as more people suffer from his abuse, the more people there are to pool their resources and energy in overcoming his grip. Find the people who are suffering from the tyrant's grip, recognize the common problem you are facing, and find a way to band together and effect positive change.

India's independence movement, labor unions, the women's suffrage movement, the civil rights movement, and the anti-apartheid cause all provide prominent examples of oppressed people working together to overcome powerful forces, abuse, and tyranny. You can choose your battles. You can decide when to ignore, yield to, appease, or accommodate the control-freak's requests.

You can also decide when to confront the unreasonable behavior and insist on change. We wanted a public celebration to acknowledge our love, and my husband- to-be felt strongly that a ceremony with singing and reading was important, as well as the almighty knees-up. Marriage, albeit a God-free one, seemed to be the only available path.

More practically, we were planning to live in Angola, notorious for its reluctance to authorise visas. From experience I was certain that if we did not marry we would face months of queueing and pleading at the Angolan embassy while I attempted to explain to the consular section my relationship to the man at my side. So we booked a date at the register office and started pondering our home-made vows, which on the day reduced the guests to giggles but few tears.

The state-sanctioned agreement was followed the next day by a large party in a large garden with a grand marquee and later still, hangovers. I did not change my name, nor he his. We simply swapped rings, gave appalling speeches and that was that. I had never considered how marriage would change my place in the world.

Before we even tied the proverbial knot, I became swiftly aware of discrimination against wives. A job in journalism I was up for suddenly became unavailable: This was shocking, but the point I wish to make here concerns the privileges accorded to the wedded heterosexual couple.

Being married pulls you into a new elite. It lends you an air of stability and reliability that singles and divorcees are denied.

The tyranny of marriage

We assume that those who are unmarried probably have something just a teeny bit wrong with them because they have never managed to persuade another to settle down into that cosy unit of coupledom.

This is the smug tyranny of husbands and wives. Which brings me back to the question of divorce. For those of us who are married but have seen the light, our work is cut out. There is only one ground for divorce: