"Meet your Second Wife" no longer on YouTube : LiveFromNewYork
The definition of a minutes-to-one-a.m. skit, this exercise in . (all male, all unsuspecting) get a chance to meet their future second wife. The Time Travelers Wife Script taken from a transcript of the screenplay and/or We didn't wanna meet you, but seems to be the only way to catch a glimpse of Clare. But, uh, just presuming for a second that we're not all out of our fricking. My dad's new wife is 2 or 3 years younger than me (I don't know the exact number because I don't care to know). I'm his youngest child.
Hope you know what you've signed on for. With Clare, I mean. I'm not sure I understand. Her mother and I didn't succeed in preparing her for the real world, I'm afraid. I don't know about that.
She seems to manage pretty well for herself. Well, that's good to hear. Do you ever do any hunting? Well, maybe I could take you out sometime. Usually I'm the one who's getting chased.
You know what they say. What can we do for you today? Yeah, I'm getting married tomorrow. And my wife, she likes short hair. See what we can do for you. Try to make you happy, the both of you. I suppose I'll have to meet her parents. Her dad's a Republican. Give us a second. I gotta take a Vallum. Is that a good idea? Wouldn't be a wedding without a groom.
You okay in there? But, my God, you are beautiful. When Henry sees you coming down the aisle Could you go check on the boys? Great day for a wedding, huh? Flowers look really pretty and everything. Everyone else is downstairs waiting.
What do you want me to tell Clare? We'll just probably be, like, another half an hour or so to get pretty, and then And then, you know, put some pants on, and then we'll be ready to go.
I'll let Clare know. What year are you from? It all works out. I just hope no one notices the gray hair. You're not gonna have time to shave.
I don't know where they are. He's got gray hair. We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Henry and Clare. In the presence of family and friends and before God, they exchange these vows: And now I'd like to invite my Lovely daughter Sorry I missed the ceremony. Do you wish I was him? I wonder if I'm a bigamist. I think you're allowed to marry the same person as many times as you want.
I brought you a turkey leg. Our cook roasts the best turkey around. Well, that's what everyone says, anyway. My dad was saving it for lunch. He's been ignoring me, so I really didn't think he deserved it. He's been ignoring my mom too. Alicia says they're really gonna get a divorce this time. You never told me anything like that before. Well, I don't want you to worry if you don't have to. Maybe they should get a divorce. Do you Love her?
I was just hoping you're married to me. Did you ever think about time? That's the business of time.
Tina Fey, Amy Poehler’s ‘Meet Your Second Wife’ On ‘SNL’
Tick, tick, tick-- I was with you in the meadow. You were jealous of my wife. I used to try and convince myself Well, that is my type.
Come on, let's do this. Get back here, you son of a bitch. Did I miss Christmas? Henry, you've been gone two weeks. I couldn't get back. Even got drunk trying to trigger it.
Guess that didn't work. Um, I have to go. I just got here. I know, but I have a show in two weeks. Jeremy gave me a space to work in. I mean, this place is too small. I can't work here anymore. And, Henry, my life doesn't stop because you're gone.
I never said it did. I have been here for two weeks wanting to talk to you. What do you wanna talk about? I mean, how bad it feels to sit here and wait for you? I'm going to work. This is gonna be great. Somewhere in America, moments from now, there could be a new multimillionaire.
Our first winning number is Or even a So here are your winning numbers: You can't do that. Let's rip it up. Look, there are a lot of downsides to my condition, okay? But this is not one of them. Exquisite plasterwork in every room of the house. This is not it. Just look at the fireplace.
It's got the "wow" factor. The details, the architecture, the windows. Just look at this landscaping. Wouldn't you love to see it in the spring?
Now, it's a little smaller than the other places, but big on charm. Now, the main entrance of this house is actually towards the rear But look at these features. That staircase, it's so handsome. So here's the garden. Do you know when you're gonna die?
I've never seen you older. I've never seen you older than something. Maybe you stop-- Maybe you stop traveling. Somebody-- Somebody finds a cure. There's gotta be some kind of drug you can take. There's gotta be someone Something that can help. We're having a baby. I think it's time. It's time you find Dr. How did you say you found me?
I travel back in time to see my wife when she's a little girl. She says I mentioned a Dr. And I have a genetic anomaly. That's a term you came up with, apparently.
That's what she says. Of course, now I've mentioned it, you will call it that You see, that's the thing about time travel. Did my students put you up to this?
Because, man, you are good. I knew this would be a waste of my time. I lost the baby. My wife had a miscarriage. I am very sorry about that, but I don't see what I can do to help. What if the baby's a traveler like me?
What if it has the same genetic anomaly?SNL Sketch ‘Meet Your Second Wife’ Just A Bit Too Real
What if it traveled out of the womb? Not the kind of Help I can give you. How can I prove it to you? Well, just do one test. If you don't find anything, fine. I'll leave you alone, you can go back to your life. We're going to start the first series.
It'll take about 10 minutes. Your brain emits a blast of electromagnetic energy And you can see it right here. Now, there are drugs for epilepsy we can use.
But all of these drugs are way too strong for a fetus I'm 10 weeks in now, and we've never been that far along We're going to find out. We're going to take a look at Henry's genetic code. We'd like to take a look at the clock genes. And then I would like to run the same test on the fetus. It's a noninvasive extraction of cells.
‘Meet Your Second Wife’ Is ‘SNL’ At Its Most Hilariously Uncomfortable
But perhaps we'll get some sort of indication What's wrong with me wanting one normal thing in my life? I wanna be a mother.
I wanna bear a child, your child. Why can't I have that? I've never seen us with a baby. I've traveled to the future You'd be-- - Stop. Uh, just to be official about this, I need to ask you one last time: I've signed the papers. Yeah, I know, but, uh, vasectomy's rarely a one-party decision. Yeah, well, this time it is. I don't really feel like being here right now. It was hard, and you won't like it. You won't like it. Well, then why'd you do it? Well, just once, one time, could you--? Could you tell me the answer to something I'm asking you?
You wouldn't get it anyway. That wasn't very nice. You've never kissed me before. I was with you in the meadow. It was our first kiss. You were having a bad day. I did something I felt I had to do.
Oh, please don't tell me something that's gonna make me hate you. I had a vasectomy. I'm not gonna have a child I-- I'm not gonna do it.
You-- You came to that meadow What, you think that I wanted this life Do you think anyone would want that? Who would want that? It's freezing out there. Uh, I left him sleeping. I needed some time away from him. How's that working out for you? We had a fight. Yeah, well, he can be a pain in the ass, that guy.
It's really good to see you. What's up with you? Been weird all week. Do you remember the night in the parking lot? When I came to get you? I mean, it's not like I cheated on you. If we lose this baby, if something happens to-- From now on We're not even getting excited. I mean, if stress is what's causing the traveling Eighteen weeks and perfectly healthy.
And you asked about the sex. It's got a really strong heartbeat. Where'd you get the book? I used to name all my dolls Jane. I'm not sure we should be talking names yet. I'm just getting some ideas. Come on, let's go. So tell me about you. What are you learning?
Well, not much at school. But I read all the time. I read about Egypt. Mom and I are reading The Lord of the Rings. And Grandpa's teaching me the violin. And I heard Grandma sing. Kendrick says I'm a prodigy. Because sometimes I can choose where I go. You can control it? When you go and when you come back? I saw you and Mom walking in the street before I was born.
You walked right by me. It's so good to meet you, Alba. It's so good to see you. I've really missed you. How long has it been? How old were you when I died? No, no, it's okay. I haven't traveled past my own life before. Alba, what are you doing? I don't want you to get in trouble. We name her Alba. You're gonna love her so much. So everything's gonna be okay?
Everything's gonna be okay. Do you know who Alba's playing with? Yes, but who's she with? They're both your daughter. Is it too weird? I think it's kind of magical. Honey, you wanna talk about it? Do you want a hand? What was that about? Why is she so upset?
She was just sad for a minute, I guess. Okay, what does she know? Tell me, or I'll imagine the worst. Go ahead and imagine it. I mean, you're gonna do it anyway. Did you have a nice birthday? Honey, you know, if something's bothering you Because Daddy told me not to. And you love Daddy. But sometimes Daddy can be wrong. You wanna tell me what it is? It's okay if you do. Daddy's going to die. Who told you that? She told me that Daddy would die when I was 5 years old.
Alba told me that you die when she's 5 years old. The day that you landed in the hallway, you were shot. That's it, isn't it? I honestly don't know. That's just what happens. We're born, we live, and then when we get old, we just die.
He said that some guys were chasing him, and it was snowing They're going to save his foot.
Now, he's going to be in a wheelchair for a few months, but he's going to be all right. But he has to be able to walk. He has to be able to run. If he can't run Are you going to have to be in this chair from now on? Only for a little while, honey. Things are happening fast now, honey. I'm traveling a lot. It might be because of what they're giving me for the pain. Try to stay, Daddy.
Well, how do you do it? When I feel like I'm going I sing to myself. This'll come in handy one day. No, you need to feel it, honey. It'll tell you when to twist. Oh, that's my girl. Don't forget the baster.
Oh, honey, your coat. Can we open the presents tonight? Santa doesn't come till you're asleep. I already looked in the closet. Alba, that closet was locked. Christmas is in the morning. No presents on Christmas Eve. Well, then what are we gonna do? I'm gonna get you! You almost slipped there. Come on, this way. Come outside for a minute. Come on, just take a second.
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