word choice - "Meet" a friend or "meet with" a friend? - English Language & Usage Stack Exchange
Where you meet determines whom you meet. How Americans met the friends they see most often, by age. 20 40 60 80 0 25 50% School. Though 59% of Americans see online dating as a great way to meet people, according to Trusting your friends' judgment: There's a reason a mutual friend is a. I would not talk about meeting with my friends whether the meeting was planned or not. If I spoke of meeting with someone I would imply a more.
We formed a performance collective together once we graduated which we ran for almost 7 years, and even after that we still weren't sick of each other. Our lives have all diverged since, and many of us no longer live in the same city, but they are still my family and the closest friends I've ever had.
Since I no longer live in the same city, I probably only get to see them twice a year if I'm lucky now, but when we lived in the same city I saw at least a few of them every week and, when our crazy lives allowed, we'd make an effort to have all of us in the same room at the same time at least once a month in a non-business capacity.
These are 3 people who are in my cohort and who I get along well with. I've honestly found it pretty hard to make connections here, since I still feel like my old city was "home" and it's hard to be open to friends when I still feel super connected to my old ones It is WORK, though. We met on OKCupid, which I joined in an effort to meet people in my new city. It worked out pretty damn magically, and we now live together so I see him every day.
He's my best friend. Making new friends is hard, and I'm realizing that it gets harder the older you are, simply because people have for the most part already established deep connections with the people who are their "people", and aren't looking for or in need of relationships in the same way that, say, my dance family and I were when we were 18 and had all just moved to a big city and were all starting a Big New Thing at the same time. Boyfriend aside, I really feel like the friends I've made post-dance school which was my equivalent of a "college" experience are not on he same level as friends made before that.
There just isn't the same sort of intensity of connection, or the same degree of shared experience My grown-up friends are more diverse in terms of their experiences and interests than my older friends, and our relationships are far more casual and less demanding, which is a good thing at this point in my life.
I've had to learn that it's OK to have friends who you just like spending time with, who aren't necessarily the Closest Most Intimate Friends EVER, and that casual friendships are cool, too. We have an ongoing facebook message that we write in daily. I met these women by working with one of them we also all work in the same industry.
They also work in the same industry I work in, and I knew them as acquaintances before they became best friends first and became closer with them by making an active effort to hang out more. Scheduling activities became the basis for our current hangout nights. I got to know them through my industry again!
It's very small and became closer with them because we ended up working together. Sometimes these groups overlap but generally they are separate. Very grateful for the ones I have. It's tough, and it's taken me 4-ish years to build up a good network, but I feel like those relationships are strong and reciprocal.
I know it does not seem this way, but there are a lot of us out there who are having the same difficulty, and are looking for new friends too! I always try to be open to going to anything I'm invited to, and making an effort at conversation with the people I don't know. For me, there was not an "automatic payoff" so to speak, but a gradual building of relationships.
SO; we met while living next-door to each other. Also very close friends with his then roommate and roommate's SO. I see the SO pretty much every day, i. BFF happened to move to a city an hour away, so we see each other once a month maybe, and intermittently text. BFF 2 We were roommates and really connected. I also get invited to group functions with her other friends, and I've made some great connections there too.
They also have an unpredictable work schedule, so we are both flexible with our plans, and hang out more on weeknights than weekends. One of my closest friends went to high school with him - I usually see that friend once, maybe twice a week. The ones I've hung onto I formed friendships with in my own right. Two of those moved interstate, so we don't see each other terribly often but have good phone calls every week or so.
Another one has two small kids, but we catch up once a month-ish. I'd say I have about 3 more closer friends in this category. Also my most recent ex, with whom I am still friends, originally worked at the same place; we live in neighbouring suburbs so will see each other every week or two.
I did volunteer work for several years and have one friend I see pretty infrequently from that. I've also tried joining a choir, but that didn't work very well in terms of making friends.
People would come, most of them seemed to know each other already and chatted with each other, we'd sing, then all go our separate ways. It's pretty tough not only as you get older, but if you are an introvert who has a hard time inserting yourself.
Occasionally my inner extrovert takes charge and manages to steal the show, but I can't always rely on that happening. And then there is my weekly meetup group Game Night. Very cool people but more of a way to spend some fun time with someone and not as much of friends.
We sometimes meet outside of Game Night for drinks. I find making friends in a new city incredibly difficult. Friendships take time and we're all so damn busy as grown-ups. This persisted for a year or two.
I met all my current closest friends through Meetup, mainly through nightlife groups. I think how this happened was a turning up to the same group repeatedly and seeing the same people b adding said people on Facebook c organising our attending things which weren't meetups. I see them every week or two guess. It would be more but I have a lot of different social groups. Yes - and creative activities, which can offer scope to get to know people in a few ways.
Mutual appreciation for the things we did or made is what kicked off some of my newer friendships. I met one of my very good friends when she memailed me about an ask I'd posted years ago and forgotten about.
Tl;dr; don't be afraid to reach out to mefites who post nifty things. J, boyfriend, knew from high school ten years ago and reunited with in the past year, see x weekly 2. My BFF lives in Homestate, but we talk a few times a week. I still have good friend there, but we maybe talk once a year, and see each other during visits in our respective cities. BFF is friends with all my friends back home, so I keep up with them through her too.
Then 6 years ago I moved to Big City, and most of the people I was friend with then were people that I knew from Homestate. Then I became friends with their friends and so on and so on. Also I had some roommates that I became close to.
And one or two people that I met through work. But mostly, I was meeting people by going to parties or dinners or whatever. Of those friends, the oldest I technically met at Baby Swim at the Y when I was six months old, and the newest I met at a work conference about five years ago.
I'm friendly with many of my other coworkers, too. The SCA is definitely the social group I count on for meeting people outside work; when you move a lot, it's great to have a worldwide social network to tap into. Moved to a city were most of them lived, Boston, and I see them every Friday night. Some have moved away but the addition of partners and spouses and now kids to that group has kept it pretty healthy. Maybe 10 adults I see at least once a week for about 8 years. Having a standing 'friend date', ours is a game night, is extremely helpful.
About 5 or 6 of us all met at a meetup in about ish, and now we travel together, go to each other's weddings, take care of each other's pets, and godparent the kids. If I don't see them about once a week I get antsy. And we've introduced each other to our non-Mefite friends and significant others, and now we all hang out in varying configurations of Mefites and civilians. It's a great crew. In terms of friends of friends, one of my best friends now is someone who was an acquaintance of a college friend, and we met at a party 7 or so years ago and hit it off because of common interests.
In terms of Mefi, many of the friends I see often these days I met at meetups. Didn't work out instantly or anything--first couple meetups I went to were awkward--but now they're not at all, and I hang out with Mefites one on one, too.
I'm self employed, and not in school, so I didn't have any built-in groups. I also have a lot of social anxiety, so these things not only take work, but require really going outside of my comfort zone.
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My closest friends where I live now I met through online dating, either directly or indirectly dating people and being invited into their social group.
Of course this can be tricky if you break up. I've been lucky here. I also push myself to get involved in lots of things: And I tried to "level up" with the people I really got along with. I started a game night and invited everyone I met from my language classes. I had a dinner party and invited the people from the game night who I really clicked with.
I got to the point with my acrobatics where I could teach, so I started to teach, and invited people from roller derby who I thought would like it. It's a lot of work. And some days I feel like I am always on the edge looking in. But that's just the anxiety talking. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life and I am grateful. I have, I would say, 5 really good friends here now. In any given ten days, I usually see all of them at least once.
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I also have some very close friends who are not local, of course. Sister - 3 hours away. Friend from elementary school - in town, every weeks.
Became close by talking through similar career issues. Became close when I got a job near her, started having lunch regularly. We remained part of the same extended social circle through college and when we settled in the same town as adults, we became close. Elementary School - Every day she lives in my guest room 2. High School - times per year we live half way across the country from each other but I go there for work and to visit my family 3.
Local small business owners meet-up - Probably average once per week. Frequency has mostly to do with distance some are in other cities or countries and schedule some have kids or busy lives.
Varies between weekly, monthly, seasonally, yearly, semi-decade-ly. He asked me to be in a band he was putting together, and I got to know my bandmates. That turned into another band that had a bit of success on campus and later off. And that evolved in to a bunch of people in a run down house throwing fairly successful parties and playing in each others' bands. And so I met quite a number of lovely people because I was a doof in psych class.
The other group I keep in touch with back there are the bartenders at the place I used to go. A friend of a friend did a weekly free-jazz show at some dark, unfashionably located bar, and I was quite devoted to the series back in the day. I'd get there early, when the place was dead, and chat with the bartender, Ned. Eventually, I started coming during the week, and since all the bartenders were cool, and since the place was usually dead during the hours I drink, I got to know them fairly well.
Julie I met just because she was cute and sitting at the next table over. I don't generally talk to people sitting at the next table over, at least unless we've been coming to the same place at the same time for months. But Julie was attractive enough to overcome my reticence and seemed open to conversation in a way that strangers rarely seem to be.
And from there we stayed in touch. She lives the next state over. We see each other times a year. I see one every day and the other about every 2 months. The other two live in my city and I see them times per month depending on schedules, with more frequent e-contact. I see him daily. What I've seen is that mutual interests are key.
I am still friends with people I met on alt. Also, most of my friendships are maintained online and then occasionally supplemented by in-person hangs. It hasn't really been a passive thing, though, since college -- that is, even in grad school, where there were a lot of folks looking for weekend fun and so forth, I was aware of "setting up dates" with friends, whether it was to see a concert or have lunch or whatever.
It's also fortuitous if you bump into one of those people who are superconnectors, either because they increase your chances of meeting the people who will actually become your pals or because they tend to want a lot of social events, so they'll be the people who know about the best concert, party, or whatever else is going on.
I've had one of those in each major city I relocated to since being a grown-up, and I credit them with most of my eventual social circle, which was only tangentially related to my own workplace et al. Agree with others that friends get scattered but can still keep in touch. Much harder when you have kids schedule disruptions, exhaustion, etc. Have had hits and misses there The main way I meet new friends, when not through work or school, is volunteering.
Also, I joined a book club. When I meet up with a group of friends, it's pretty natural for us to bring another friend or two that tags along, and we end up being a mixed group and getting to know each other is fun. My best friend since 4th grade joined the Air Force when we were in college and now lives on the other side of the country. We spent our early-to-late 20s without Facebook, so we kind of grew apart during that period. We both have families of our own and he comes back to visit his family occasionally, but I rarely get to see him.
Maybe once every few years. I became really close to a guy in college and we ended up being roommates senior year.
I met my closest still-local friend at a gathering a few years ago with my now-wife's neighbors. I found out that he was a transportation planner for our city, something that I've got a hobbyist interest in. He is moving away and I am crushed. I have some friends through him, but I've never spent any time with them without Friend 3, so I'm not sure I can count them.
I had another circle of friends back when I was single that I voluntarily removed myself from after a difference of opinion of values came to light, but I would hang out with one or more of them maybe once every couple weeks. I actually met them through one person who I, strangely enough, met online over a shared interest in local restaurants. Grad school a program I moved very far away for, that was competitive to get into, but very sociable once in - both classmates and people I met through those classmates are in my inner circle, 2.
Bar trivia night - funny enough, I first went with people I only sorta knew that I'd met on the Internet!
The handful of people I'm still in touch with from before then is a grab bag that ranges from high school friends to exes I'm still on good terms with.
Moved to a new city miles away when I was 25 and met him a year later at work. We've been together 9 years and live together. Two friends from high school they live miles away. I see them whenever I go back to my hometown to visit my family, probably times a year. Aside from my boyfriend, I would consider these two my best friends. A guy I play trivia with every week. We met when a friend from Craigslist met via Strictly Platonic in when I moved to the new city brought a friend who brought this guy.
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The other people faded over time but this one stuck around! I see him usually once a week, and we text every few days. A guy I met at work in about We email frequently and see each other for breakfast every month or so he's 20 years older than me, everyone else mentioned is around my age A girl I met in She lived in the building next to me and we met on LiveJournal!!
We see each other a few times a year, even though she only lives a few miles away. So it's either people I met when in high school or when I moved away from everyone I knew and had to start finding people to hang with.
Lots of friends from those early-move days have disappeared, so I feel your pain. My closest friends here started off as his friends' girlfriends. Some of those relationships didn't last, but the friendships did. We all hung out as a big collective group but the girls didn't start hanging out separately until a few years later. There was some talk about starting a feminist discussion group at a bar one night that led to "ladies' nights" once a week.
We've kind of fallen off the routine weekly ladies' nights and our schedules all vary, but we get together outside of the big collective group at least once or twice a month, sometimes more.
I've also made other friends through playing in a band, going to shows, attending free skool classes, but some of those friends are more situational ie, I wouldn't call them up I had befriended a couple of the girls in the group in various classes art, gym and they started inviting me to hang out outside of school. I slowly drifted away from my other friend group, and hung out with this group more and more, and became friends with all of them. We see each other once every weeks.
This weekend we're doing a girls' getaway trip, which I'm very excited about. We text often to a group chat to stay caught up with what everyone is doing.
I met my husband and my best friend and her husband in university. My husband and I lived across the hall from each other in our co-ed dorm. We had lots of chances to bump into each other in the shared areas and socialize together with other people on our floor, and we fell for each other very quickly.
My best friend and I were in the same program, but had no classes together. We ended up meeting by chance at a student volunteering session. We both knew instantly that we would be friends. We were each others' maid of honor, and see each other as family more than friends now. We hang out times a week, and text every day. My other close friends are people I met at work.
I see them from once every few months friends from my previous job to every day the friends that I'm still working with. Some of them I think I may be falling out of touch with, but when we do meet up, there's lots of warmth and laughter. It's hard when everyone's busy and I hate that circumstances make it easier to stay in touch with some people over others, but that's life I guess. My girlfriend's friends, my boyfriend's friends, and friends of those friends. I met all my SOs through craigslist and OkCupid.
And there are others in this group that wouldn't fit into my top 7 friends. I've lived in my current city for 3 years, and it's my first city post-university. Here's my current top 7 local friends and how we met. I used to see 7 every day when we worked together, now he works elsewhere and we hang out every week or two.
He never gave up either. We would have a lot of fun when we were together but I'm sorry, I don't talk on the phone just to hear a voice. There would be times that we would be on the phone together and there would be a long periods of silence.
He was just lonely and bored. He couldn't stand to be alone and wanted me to move in with him, rent free, just so he wouldn't be alone. Lord, that would have run me crazy. Well, after he died, my phone practically never rings anymore. Now, the shoe is on the other foot and I'm the one feeling lonely these days. When I noticed how quiet it is without that damn phone ringing all night long and him leaving messages, I think to myself, well at least he cared enough to call night after night I had a similar experience with my buddy John that passed away last year.
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The difference being; although he called every single night, at least we'd have really interesting conversations up to 2 or 3 hours a night. But still, I'm like you in that I really don't enjoy being on the phone that much. Nevertheless, we talked every night for about the past 6 or 7 years, and had known each other since John was much older than I he was in his early 70's when he passedand lived alone in Hawaii.
I didn't realize it until he was gone that he was probably fearful of dying And like with you and Boris, sometimes I would just stay on the phone with him until I'd hear him snoring. Something I'm having trouble forgiving myself for; is like you, I began letting my answering service pickup when he'd call. I did this for about a month or so before he seemed to get the message and stopped trying as often. Then, after the second month of not answering the phone, he called and I picked up.
We talked for about 2 hours about really deep, meaningful things. He talked about what a great friend I had been to him, and I shared about how much I appreciated his friendship as well, and how he had been there for me when no one else was.
Then, about a week later on July 18, I sent him a text message to inform him that my oldest nephew had just passed away that morning unexpectedly, but John didn't respond. The text informed me that his Dad, my buddy, had passed away